Like Lance Armstrong, baseball players are on constant lookout for an edge when it comes to peak performance, and their wives are no different, apparently. But given that two Bay Area players have been suspended in the last 10 days for testing positive for performance-enhancing drugs, Amanda McCarthy, wife of the Oakland A’s pitcher, decided it was worth doing due diligence – via Twitter, naturally – before giving her husband a helping hand between the sheets. “Hey @MLB, extenze is offering a two week free trial that I want to get @BMcCarthy32... That’s cool with the PED rules, right?”
Maybe something was lost in translation. With Arsenal looking to get off to a fast start in this season’s English Premier League race, the Brazilian defender decided to start a day early. Santos was clocked at 210 kilometres an hour in his black Maserati, and while speed is of the essence in the modern game, the police somehow had a different opinion and promptly slowed his progress with a trip to the cop shop.
Those royals think they can do anything. Case in point was the third in line to the throne, who decided he would challenge five-time Olympic gold medalist Ryan Lochte to a race in a Las Vegas pool. The result predictably ended in a humiliating defeat for the rambunctious redhead, but he showed far greater speed later in the night in getting his kit off, as the Brits would say. And who can blame a man for wanting to shed wet clothes.
Just in case anyone was wondering why the Columbus Blue Jackets have been woeful for their entire 12-year history, their veteran blueliner spelled it out after pulling his groin last season just two games after returning from a torn chest muscle. “I had not one single practice with the team before my comeback,” Huselius told Sweden’s Aftonbladet. “I got one pregame skate. Then I dressed for an NHL game and played 21 minutes.” To paraphrase legendary soccer manager Brian Clough, the Blue Jackets may not be the worst team in the NHL, but they’re in the bottom one.
Granted, the run-and-gun offence is open to interpretation, but rarely has it been so misconstrued as it was by the Hamilton Tigers-Cats’ running back. No one can begrudge him a little celebration after scoring a touchdown against his former team, the Montreal Alouettes, Thursday night, but given the firearm-related tragedies that have occurred in Toronto, Wisconsin and New York City of late, there is surely a more appropriate routine than gunning down his teammates with an imaginary pump-action shotgun.