Our put-upon staffers don't know much about mills, having never done an honest day's in their hollow little lives, but we hear the one that churns out all the rumours is always hiring.
Oh yes, gentle acolytes, the big wooden wheel has been turning furiously today in Habs-land. CKAC is reporting that the Canadiens have held discussions with none other than former captain Chris Chelios, the ageless wonder himself, about a shock return.
As you've doubtless gathered by now, French Immersion is as relentless chasing down rumours as Andrei Kostitsyn after a loose puck, so we asked our Calgary-based pal Allan Maki very nicely and he gave the greybearded one a call (ooh, actual reporting!)
Our man in Big Oil-land relays the following from Chelios: "I talked to (former teammate Bob Gainey) a month ago. I told him I was playing in Chicago (with the AHL Wolves) and if they had any interest, I'm interested. That's pretty much what I've told every team.
"I've played five, six games with Chicago. I'm playing a lot and playing well. Somehow I slipped my way onto the power play (the other night and scored a goal).
"I'm staying at my folks' house and getting to watch my son play hockey. I couldn't ask for a better situation."
Not even in the NHL, Chris?
Now, the Habs blueline is in need of some shoring up, the Marc-André Bergeron-sized band-aid seems to be coming unglued, and the Mathieu Carle one surely won't cover the Markov/O'Byrne/Gill-sized gash.
But a 47-year-old free agent playing in the minors?
Hmm. As we hurriedly rifle through his stats over the last five games (5 points, +7), maybe they could do worse.
Beyond the realm of speculation - which is a very wealthy realm, as it happens - the Habs did make some real, actual moves.
Winger Tom Pyatt, who likely would have stuck out of camp had he not been brutally thumped from behind by chicken-hearted blackguard Patrick Kaleta (of the Buffalo chicken-hearted Sabre blackguards), is up from Hamilton.
So is centre Ryan White, a 22-year-old fourth-round pick from 2006. We're told he is a grit guy (sorry, didn't really notice him in camp) who nevertheless is a bit handy around the net.
Pyatt, 23, was a throw-in as part of the Gomez-Higgins trade, and is the joint top scorer in Hamilton. He's also a +8, which should help matters. White has 7 points and 22 penalty minutes for the Dogs.
What all this means for Gregory Stewart is anyone's guess - but we wager it's not going to be good from the Stewie standpoint. It also may be a hint that Brian Gionta's need for a therapy day today could rule him out of Thursday's tilt with the surprisingly suckalicious Broons. Or not.
Either way, the moves still beg the question: how do you keep 'em on the farm once they've seen the bright lights of Beantown?