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On the man who scowled his way through the Golden Globes: “The quest to make Tommy Lee Jones laugh begins now.”
On Django Unchained, which has been criticized for its frequent use of the N-word: “The screenplay is loosely based on Mel Gibson’s voicemails.”
Then, unfortunately, Captain Kirk made an appearance. He had come from the future to save the Oscars and implored MacFarlane to give the crowd a few songs. That saw MacFarlane launch in to one called We Saw Your Boobs that listed all the movies in which actresses have been filmed topless.
On Django Unchained again: "This is the story of a man fighting to get back his woman, who's been subjected to unthinkable violence. Or as Chris Brown and Rihanna call it, a date movie."
"The first time I saw [Ben Affleck] with all that dark facial hair, I thought, 'My God, the Kardashians have made the jump to film."
On 9-year-old Oscar-nominee Quvenzhané Wallis: "To give you an idea of how young she is, it'll be 16 years until she's too old for [George] Clooney."
"I always thought the actor who got most inside Lincoln's head was John Wilkes Booth."
"As I said, tonight’s ceremony is being watched by a close to a billion people worldwide, which is why Jodie Foster will be up here in a bit to ask for her privacy."
"For all those women who had the flu: It paid off. Looking good."