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Not Anticipated: A preview of 2010's worst books

DeLillo, Amis, DeLillo, Amis: That's all I've read about lately as everyone is so hung up on things like skilful and bold storytelling.

It's easy to forget about the books of 2010 that will be utterly terrible. While 2009 was a tough time for pointless ghostwritten crap, this year promises to rebound with at least four titles sure to be clogging up many a reviewer's inbox, whether requested or not. Oh, and all will arrive with a press release with the words HOTLY ANTICIPATED somewhere, in all caps.

Sweet Little Lies: An L.A. Candy Novel By Lauren Conrad February

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The long-awaited second novel by the literary recluse and star of MTV's The Hills. Conrad worked on this follow up to L.A. Candy for more than five months, inspiring wild speculation that she had gone mad in search of perfection.

No Apology: The Case for American Greatness By Mitt Romney March

From Wikipedia: "The Dunning-Kruger effect is a cognitive bias in which 'people reach erroneous conclusions and make unfortunate choices but their incompetence robs them of the metacognitive ability to realize it.' The unskilled therefore suffer from illusory superiority, rating their own ability as above average, much higher than actuality; by contrast the highly skilled underrate their abilities, suffering from illusory inferiority."

The Bedwetter: Stories of Courage, Redemption, and Pee By Sarah Silverman April

A comedienne flush from the success of a now two-year-old viral video received a $2.5-million advance that is mathematically impossible for the publisher to ever recoup. It will make a funny gift for that recently laid-off friend who used to work in publishing.

Untitled book on President Obama: though it will probably have a colon and an angry subtitle By Bill O'Reilly TBA 2010

Bill O'Reilly is a randy libertine (NSFW). He slips into incomprehensible rants and violent fantasies. He's basically the William S. Burroughs of the right.

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Watching O'Reilly "storm the reality studios" is always painful, no matter the medium. Just for fun I'm going to start the rumour that he's using cut-up experiments to write his new book.

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