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Thousands of Quebec students march through Montreal to protest university tuition fee hikes. Oh wait. Sorry about that, English Canada. You didn't come here to look at a bunch of self-centred, entitled people who don't know the value of a dollar and obviously crave attention. I don't know what I was thinking. You have no time for those kind of people.

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Paris Hilton wears a slitty gown at amfAR's Cinema Against AIDS event during the Cannes Film Festival in Cannes, France, last week.

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Paris Hilton is our kind of people and don't you forget it, rowdy students with your misplaced values.

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Actress Rose McGowan displays the kind of down-to-earth, simple, self-effacing charm we so admire in celebrities and which is so lacking in tacky Quebeckers who complain about, you know, some minor infringement of their fundamental rights that results in mass arbitrary arrests.

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Rose McGowan also kept it real at a charity dinner organized by the folksy Prince Albert II of Monaco in Monte Carlo, France, last week.

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The completely unentitled Nicole Kidman jumps into a waiting limo after a screening at the Cannes Film Festival in Cannes, France, last week.

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Here the entirely self-aware Nicole Kidman continues the fine tradition of stars at the Cannes Film Festival who fail to see why this gesture might not be all that welcome in France.

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Cannes jury member Diane Kruger hits the Cannes red carpet last week in a dress that hardly resembles at all something Marie Antoinette would have worn.

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Enough about that. Robert Pattinson is all like, oh really, that big, great, at the Cannes Film Festival in Cannes, France, last week.

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Actress Andie McDowell does the Monkey on the red carpet at the Cannes Film Festival in Cannes, France, last week.

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A protester opposing tuition-fee hikes does the Worm on the grey asphalt in Montreal last week.

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Zac Efron, seen here at the Cannes Film Festival in Cannes, France, last week, is all like, I don't think that guy was, um, actually dancing. That's okay, Zac, you're good people. These next few slides will help you understand Canada a little better.

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Zac, this is a bad person with misguided values. According to some, this Quebecker is no better than a Greek person who lost his job and isn't gracious enough to be pleased that his unemployment is helping Wall Street recover from the 2008 recession.

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This is Rihanna. She is good; good enough to perform on American Idol in Los Angeles last week.

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One more time: Bad girl, because she is protesting against something her government did that she thinks is wrong.

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Good girl, because her father is the famous movie actor Will Smith.

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Zac Efron is all like, ah I see, now I understand, Canada is an interesting country.

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Robert Pattinson remains dubious at the Cannes Film Festival in Cannes, France, last week.

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Steven Tyler of Aerosmith gives a shout-out to his favourite percentile of top income earners during a performance on American Idol last week.

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