Kanye West isn't known for his subtlety, but his latest production tops, well, anything he's done before this. The rapper this morning premiered the video for Bound 2, the soulful closer from his latest album, Yeezus. Unveiled on The Ellen DeGeneres Show Tuesday morning, the epic clip combines nudity, animals and creative shirt layering with the production values of an early 90s screensaver. Directed by British fashion photographer Nick Knight, a frequent West collaborator, the clip stars West's fiancée, reality star Kim Kardashian. Herewith, seven reasons why Bound 2 could be the worst video of all time.
1. The slow-motion shots of wild horses galloping across water, then across a sun-dappled desert landscape call to mind a commercial for a feminine-hygiene product. Or Lord of the Rings. But a hip-hop video? No.
2. The NSFW clip, which features a topless Kardashian grinding on her superstar fiancé as he angrily steers a motorcycle down a green-screened road, debuted on Ellen. At 10 a.m. At least the kids were in school?
3. There isn't one scene in which the writhing Kardashian is wearing a shirt (at one point, Kanye gets TWO!). Once a sex-tape star, always a sex-tape star.
4. When a video makes you long for the classy days of Ben Affleck rubbing lotion on J. Lo's rear end (2002's Jenny From The Block, respect), you know there's a problem.
5. They are not practising safe (simulated) sex. Where are their helmets? Does Kanye not know the dangers of the long-term effects of brain trauma? Jokes, obviously he's too busy thinking with his other brain.
6. The song accompanying the video is actually one of the best tracks on Yeezus – and easily its most commercial. The fact that it's wasted here in favour of self-promotion bordering on parody is salt in the wound.
7. The close-ups of West's and Kardashian's faces as the clip reaches its, er, finale, cannot be unseen.