Let the fight begin. Start your Twitter engines. The buses are rolling along the low roads of a federal election.
As I write this, the minority Conservative government is being defeated. All over the TV news channels, posses of pundits are barking, yelping and interrupting each other. "Stephen Harper likes his own little sandbox and no one else is allowed to play in it," somebody just said on CBC NN. Oh, good one. When the barking stops and the "other" news is unveiled it turns out (this is over on CTV News Channel) that the big deal is passels of peculiar and badly dressed men lining up to get their hands on the iPad2 thingamajig. You can tell they're thinking, "Election? What election? I want my thingamajig."
Will they ever pay attention to this election? Not likely: It's not what their thingamajigs are for. They might, eventually, pay vague attention to what is really under way: a popularity contest. As this fandango unfolds, most people who might actually vote - fewer and fewer Canadians - won't be talking about detailed policy documents. First, they will want to know what's in it for them. Money in the pocket or a big tax break matter most. Beyond that, it will be a matter of figuring out who the voter is comfortable with.
Mind you, in this country like most others the majority of people will gain their impressions from television. Thus it's a question of who the viewer is comfortable with. That's the true battleground, and it really is a war zone. Like recent elections, this will be a go-negative campaign. Leaders attacking leaders day in and day out. The high road has long been abandoned. But low road or high road, what is more significant than anything else is how the leaders perform on TV. Let's assess.
Stephen Harper (a.k.a. Our Glorious Leader, Hair in the Fridge)
Not to be underestimated in TV terms. He's cold, appears terrified of improvising and there's an undercurrent of vindictiveness that the TV cameras intuitively locate and illustrate. Little wonder he's uncomfortable. However, television can have the effect of making Harper kind of cuddly. His soft features suit the TV cameras in that he can be moulded into something more emphatic. He appears stiff and looks like a very serious guy. Yet he can be tweaked by TV to comes across as totally non-threatening. Remember the sweater vest?
Michael Ignatieff (a.k.a. Iggy, The Guy Who Didn't Come Back for You)
Shockingly poor on TV, given his experience hosting up-market TV chat shows in Britain. Who can forget those hideous commercials, from a few years back, featuring Iggy in a rural setting talking up Canada. Blinking in the sunlight, he looked more like a weird woodland creature than a potential PM. Has possibility, though, if he can do a Dalton McGuinty and impress as a manager/dad figure, spouting sound-bite statements about what a Liberal government might actually do. Doesn't need a sweater, needs one of them relaxation pills, or a few beers. And a better answer to the "coalition" question. It's not a puzzle for a seminar, sunshine.
Jack Layton (a.k.a. Looks Like a Cop)
Television is Layton's enemy. The TV cameras highlight hubris, and Layton's tendency to go round in prime ministerial suit-and-tie giving big old speeches on big, big issues paints him as a tad delusional. Further, he talks funny on TV, his voice rising in indignation to what sounds like an insincere whine. His written statements are actually a lot more appealing.
Elizabeth May (a.k.a. The Woman Who Needs a Seat)
Good on TV because, as the others try to portray her as a flake, her common sense stands out. Also, in TV terms, has a huge advantage in that she actually has a sense of humour and a great laugh. Major bonus points for that.
Gilles Duceppe (a.k.a. Quebecker)
Much as Elizabeth May is being dismissed as a flake, this guy is ceaselessly demonized. Then, when he appears on TV and makes some eminently sensible remark, he looks way more appealing than expected.
So goodbye, wacky Parliament. Oh happy day! Attack ads, debates, blunders, indignation and skulduggery. Elections are great TV.
AIRING TONIGHT
Fancy (CBC, 9:30 p.m.) is the pilot for a comedy show that CBC isn't turning into a series. So it's your only chance to see it, and see what CBC rejected. It's a lot of fun, rather sweet and gently goofy-funny. Like much of TV comedy, it's about a single lady looking for love. Created by Wendy Hopkins, it stars Kate Hewlett, who is just great as Maureen, the host of a TV show for tots. To the kids she's the queen of everything, but in reality she's messed up and neurotic but nice. Jana Peck is her wisecracking cop-friend sidekick and Patrick McKenna is her oddball work sidekick. Actually, it's all adorable. Give it a look.
Check local listings.