Down Abbey: Lord Merton delivers a bombshell to Isobel, and Mary does likewise to Tony. Police suspicions deepen in an unexplained death. Robert and Sarah lock horns. Shown from left to right: Tom Cullen as Lord Gillingham and Michelle Dockery as Lady Mary.Nick Briggs
Here's the gist: "It's 1924. The United Kingdom has its first Labour Party prime minister. The radio is the latest miracle of the age. And Downton's traditional ways are besieged on all fronts as Downton Abbey returns for an epic fifth season of intimately interlaced stories."
That's what PBS says. And if you read it aloud, you must read it with a sense of alarm and foreboding. The traditional ways are besieged! Next thing, they will tell us is that Lady Mary is dancing to the radio in her undergarments, and without a hat! The ostentatious ridiculousness that is Downton Abbey (Sunday, Masterpiece Classic, PBS, 9 p.m.) is indeed back. And camp as all get out. The speed at which it careens through plot and subplot story is deranged. As usual, there is a lot of tension about something allegedly mind-blowing that is about to happen and then it happens but it doesn't amount to much.
This is what I can tell you. Edith learns to ride a bike! There's a fire! And, somebody says to somebody else, "I want us to be lovers." Those people who say nothing much happens on Downton aren't with-it at all. At all! Why, and I tell you this with great reservation, bearing in mind the shock it may cause, at a certain point, a servant is dispatched to a chemist's shop to purchase contraceptives! Yes, I know, now you're about to lie down with a cold cloth on your forehead. And if I use any more exclamation points, we will all go mad! As for the changing political situation, well, it doesn't actually amount to revolution. Things do open with the old man himself, the Earl of Grantham (Hugh Bonneville) reading the newspaper and declaring that the new government is "committed to the destruction of people like us and everything we stand for." Lady Mary (Michelle Dockery) demurs. Downstairs, several of the servants fret about the possibility of leaving "service" and getting a factory job. They wouldn't know how to adapt, they say. Carson says he feels "a shaking of the ground" and he doesn't like it. What tosh, I say.
As usual, when things drag, Maggie Smith, as Violet Crawley, dowager countess of Grantham, turns up to say something interesting: "There's nothing simpler than avoiding people you don't like. Avoiding one's friends, now that's the real test." Which is only too true.
Now, I will be bested by no man in admiration for Lady Mary – her aching beauty is at the core of the private reverie of gentlemen the world over – but I do wonder what the bloody hell is happening between her and this Tony Gillingham (Tom Cullen) fellow. He's a bit, you know, louche. I can reveal no more and I will say no more.
Except this – Downton is rebooted slightly, with a lot more story, and the theme of noblesse oblige would drive you batty, if it weren't all so campy.
Also airing this weekend
Galavant (Sunday, ABC, 8 p.m.) is new but set in medieval times and billed as "a musical comedy extravaganza." It is that – a musical, a mash-up of Camelot, Robin Hood: Men in Tights and The Princess Bride. Our hero Galavant (Joshua Sasse) returns from the wars and must rescue his true love Madalena (Mallory Jansen) from the clutches of King Richard. Right on. And people burst into song. Has to be seen to be believed.
Girlfriends' Guide to Divorce (Sunday, Slice, 9 p.m.) was unavailable for review but comes highly recommended from top critics in the U.S. where it has aired on Bravo. Lisa Edelstein (Cuddy on House) plays Abby McCarthy, best-selling author of self-help books, who is, in truth, separated from her husband and dating again. One gathers it's very smart.