THE QUESTION
I was told in confidence that a senior member of my project team is struggling with a long-term illness. The illness has resulted in significant absenteeism, leaving major questions unanswered and missing significant milestones. I’d ordinarily never consider revealing someone’s private life, but this will result in not achieving important goals for my team and the project. My hope is that my senior colleague is given additional resources to carry on, not attacked for being ill, but their pride demands that they keep this a secret. What should I do?
THE FIRST ANSWER
Jasmine Leong, people and culture lead, StoryTap, Vancouver
I can empathize with the situation completely. It is your duty to not share sensitive personal information widely. However, the secrecy is affecting your team and creating tension.
To defuse this situation and facilitate proper communication with the entire team, I would look to do the following:
First, ask for permission from your team member to share. With this permission, you can decide together what and how much exactly to share so that your ill team member is comfortable. If they prefer to keep the details of their illness a secret, you find a way to position their leave of absence while respecting their privacy.
If your team member is hesitant about sharing, you can explain the impact and the optics of the situation. Note that nothing specific regarding actual diagnosis has to be shared, but it is important to let your colleagues know about the length of absence and your amended availability to adjust the workload accordingly.
If the team member is comfortable sharing some of what has been going on, chat through what that communication would look like. Would they feel more comfortable sharing it themselves, or would they like you to assist them in sharing their situation with others? Can you help to create a work schedule or plan? Are there projects that you can shift to other team members or bring in a contractor to help fill any gaps?
Finally, arrange a larger quick team meeting about it. Use this time to not focus on the issue but instead on coming up with solutions to the potential gaps and ways the team can help support and share the workload.
THE SECOND ANSWER
Natasha Lakhani, VP of people and talent, Snapcommerce Technologies, Toronto
Given this person is very private, you don’t want to put them in an uncomfortable position by addressing a personal matter (that hasn’t been directly shared with you). I would focus on the business impact that you are observing. Schedule a private conversation with the person struggling with their illness. Start from a place of positive intent, focusing on the shared goal of accomplishing the critical goals that have been set out to you both. From there, share the personal struggle you are feeling in being able to accomplish this goal, without mentioning their illness.
If they do decide to disclose their illness, focus on encouraging them to reach out to the right person (maybe it’s HR or their manager) to get support. You will typically get a higher level of agreement when you come from a place of empathy and show you care (which you do!). Move on to explaining how this would help alleviate the pressure they are probably experiencing.
If they don’t disclose their personal circumstances, keep it focused on seeking to collaborate on how to problem solve through the business deficiencies you are observing. I wouldn’t raise the matter of their health being the reason they are not performing to expectations.
You are in a tough spot because the deficiency is also affecting your ability to perform well in your own role. Either approach will help you because you are addressing the issue rather than keeping it inside, which creates more stress and frustration.
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Andrea Yu