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The accusations of sexual misconduct against U.S. Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh have inflamed and divided Americans.

While Canadians are less antagonistic on gender issues than Americans – Environics polling shows us far less likely to declare “the father of the family must be master in his own house” – the high-profile confrontation came as men are feeling edgy about the workplace.

“Where’s it going to end?” is a common complaint from men, over charges of sexism or harassment. They see men as certain victims if ever charged with bad behaviour and worry that innocent comments might now be a hanging offence. “What’s a guy to do?”

That last question is the title of a level-headed book by San Diego consultant Jennifer Crittenden. And her answer boils down to keep calm and act sensibly.

I think acting sensibly requires a sense of history and some detachment. Start with the trepidation some men feel about the fact that firms often want to promote women to provide a more gender-balanced cast. I don’t think that’s new – it’s at least two decades old – and the impact has actually been minimal.

It’s the rare man, actually, who doesn’t have enormous advantages in his career over women – men get paid more, often for the same work, and their behavioural patterns are the stereotypical norms for advancement. Management is male, both in theory (the attributes demanded are more closely identified with men) and in actuality (look at the gender lineup at most organizations). So, no, men generally are not at a disadvantage.

The behaviour that inspired the #MeToo movement was not typical and none of us can defend it. The reaction doesn’t rule out normal, respectful behaviour between the sexes. If you’re edgy, perhaps the behaviour you’re concerned about wasn’t respectful.

Dan Harmon, the creator of the sitcom Community, apologized to writer Megan Ganz for sexually harassing her with these words that bear some thought: “I certainly wouldn’t have been able to do it if I had any respect for women. On a fundamental level, I was thinking about them as different creatures. I was thinking about the ones that I liked as having some special role in my life and I did it all by not thinking about it.”

So think about your behaviour. Men shouldn’t be squirming as a group over sexual harassment claims. Instead, they should acknowledge the perpetrators are often men. Interestingly, 13 per cent of men in white-collar jobs are sexually harassed, a recent study found, slightly more by men than women.

A group of men in Ontario started the White Ribbon campaign in 1991 to give men a chance to fight male violence against women. Then-Toronto city councillor Jack Layton was its first spokesman. The movement has spread around the world. Perhaps you wear a white ribbon on Nov. 25. That spirit is needed even more today: Men have to act to end abusive behaviour, not squash the reaction to the abusive behaviour.

Ms. Crittenden tells men that “the media makes it sound as though all a woman has to do is cry harassment and a guy loses his job but that’s not true in the business world. To prove a hostile or offensive work environment is a high bar. It usually requires repetitive or regular bad behaviour and the accusation of more than one woman.”

Yes, some institutions in the public glare acted very quickly, seemingly in panic, but the immediate reaction to claims against Justice Kavanaugh reminds us the opposite is also the case.

Ms. Crittenden advises against dating in the workplace. But we spend a good proportion of our lives there; many splendid and healthy relationships started at work; and if organizations have proper policies it can be joyful. As she notes, asking a colleague for a date – once – is not sexual harassment. Even a hug can be appropriate in certain situations of support, she says; just ask before you act. When shaking hands after an introduction, make it a firm but not bone-crushing grip.

At the same time, she writes, “It is staggering about how many complaints I hear about men touching women at work. Is it really that hard to keep hands off? Men are sometimes sending a proprietary and disrespectful message about women’s bodies when they engage in casual touching.”

These issues have diverted male attention from other important matters. Her book suggests a guy has to start listening to women more attentively in meetings – and objecting when he sees male colleagues aren’t, ignoring a female colleague’s ideas. Guys may be obsessed with the possibility of false sexual harassment charges but women are in fury at being treated as less than worthy.

Where’s it going to end? Maybe with men wearing a white ribbon more often, not in surrender but in support.

Cannonballs
  • Ask new employees at orientation to write about their best selves   – the times they used their best characteristics – and share those stories with others. That seems odd but research suggests it will heighten performance as they adjust to a new, unfamiliar work terrain.
  • Beware when leaders blame the external environment for problems. Unless competitors are suffering the same fate, it’s a red herring, says Bryant University management professor Michael Roberto.
  • Disengaged middle managers are three times more likely to have disengaged employees, who in turn are four times more likely to consider leaving their jobs, the Conference Board of Canada reports.

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