Skip to main content

The Globe and Mail and Morneau Shepell have created the Employee Recommended Workplace Award to honour companies that put the health and well-being of their employees first. Read about the 2018 winners of the award at tgam.ca/workplaceaward.

Registration for the 2019 Employee Recommended Workplace Award is now closed. For more information about the award go to www.employeerecommended.com. An event exploring key HR topics and celebrating the 2019 Employee Recommended Workplaces will be held March 19 at The Globe and Mail Centre in Toronto. You can also purchase the benchmark report that outlines findings from 2018 at this link here.

As December approaches, you get an intense pang of discomfort that runs from head to toe. December means the holiday season is close, and for you this time of year is a reminder of a terrible conflict you had with a cousin that resulted in losing a large investment because you trusted your cousin. Losing the money hurts, but what hurts the most are all the lies, how the situation went down and how your cousin showed no remorse nor took any responsibility for your loss.

Story continues below advertisement

You start dreading the big family gathering on Boxing Day, because you know your cousin will be there. You plan to attend because you love your parents and wouldn’t want to disappoint them, and you enjoy seeing other family members.

Because you lose sleep every December anticipating the Boxing Day event and spend hours reliving the financial wrongdoing, for four years you haven’t been able to relax and enjoy the holidays. You know it’s not logical, but you simply don’t enjoy the holiday season. You dread it.

No one except your sister knows how you feel and how hard it is for you to be near your cousin. Nothing she can say helps, so she has defaulted to coaching you each year when you cross paths with your cousin to just smile, say hello, keep it light, and quickly move on to enjoy the rest of the family.

This micro skill focuses on how forgiveness can benefit our mental health.

Awareness

Forgiveness is an intentional and voluntary decision to focus on changing our feelings, thinking and attitude about a real or perceived wrongdoing. Some are offences that any observer would agree are not acceptable; others can be more subjective. We each have our own scorecard.

The process of forgiveness provides an opportunity to change and reframe our mental state as well as the negativity we have attached to a wrongdoing that may have occurred in our personal or working life. Forgiveness enables us to release negative thinking and emotions about a wrongdoing that is affecting our general mental health. Instead of harbouring anger, which can be all-consuming and disruptive to our mental health, forgiveness allows us to release it, along with other toxic, negative emotions, and focus on living in the present so we can enjoy our lives instead of living in the past.

Story continues below advertisement

Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting or that there’s a resolution – or even reconciliation. It means changing our mindset from emotions like regret and anger that can hold us in the past and have a negative impact on our mental health now. Forgiveness can be for ourselves or others. We may blame ourselves for being wronged and take on guilt or even shame for something that’s happened. That can be as toxic to our mental health as carrying around anger.

Forgiveness starts with awareness of what it is and its benefits to our mental health.

Accountability

Forgiveness starts from within, and we’re the first to benefit by releasing negativity. Forgiveness can be covert or overt. Covert forgiveness happens when we forgive someone who may have never acknowledged that they did something wrong, or perhaps they’re no longer alive.

It can be challenging to forgive someone who hasn’t acknowledged their wrongdoing or has not attempted to apologize. However, forgiveness can be transformational.

Action

Story continues below advertisement

Forgiveness is about moving forward, not looking to the past or holding on to anger.

Coaching tips to support forgiveness:

The future is pure – Every new day is as pure as a new snowflake. Our future is what we allow it to be, and our past doesn’t need to define our future. One step to forgiveness is to challenge our daily focus to be on what we want to learn and do rather than replaying old memories. This can help us stay in the present versus living in the past.

Change your view – Context is important when moving past a wrongdoing. When we can reflect with no judgement on a situation that wronged us, over time this can help us accept that we did nothing wrong and that there’s nothing to be gained allowing negative past emotions to block our current life. This mindset can set up an opportunity to experience internal peace.

Be nice to you – Kindness provides the foundation to change your mindset so you can forgive. One mental tip to find forgiveness is to release the need to be right or to achieve revenge. Forgiveness is about changing your mindset so that you’re not cluttered by the past and can be more present and available to enjoy the moments and experiences in your current life.

Bill Howatt is the chief of research for work force productivity at The Conference Board of Canada, and former chief research and development officer of work force productivity with Morneau Shepell.

Story continues below advertisement

You can find other stories likes these at tgam.ca/workplaceaward.

Report an error Editorial code of conduct
Comments

Welcome to The Globe and Mail’s comment community. This is a space where subscribers can engage with each other and Globe staff. Non-subscribers can read and sort comments but will not be able to engage with them in any way. Click here to subscribe.

If you would like to write a letter to the editor, please forward it to letters@globeandmail.com. Readers can also interact with The Globe on Facebook and Twitter .

Welcome to The Globe and Mail’s comment community. This is a space where subscribers can engage with each other and Globe staff. Non-subscribers can read and sort comments but will not be able to engage with them in any way. Click here to subscribe.

If you would like to write a letter to the editor, please forward it to letters@globeandmail.com. Readers can also interact with The Globe on Facebook and Twitter .

Welcome to The Globe and Mail’s comment community. This is a space where subscribers can engage with each other and Globe staff.

We aim to create a safe and valuable space for discussion and debate. That means:

  • All comments will be reviewed by one or more moderators before being posted to the site. This should only take a few moments.
  • Treat others as you wish to be treated
  • Criticize ideas, not people
  • Stay on topic
  • Avoid the use of toxic and offensive language
  • Flag bad behaviour

Comments that violate our community guidelines will be removed. Commenters who repeatedly violate community guidelines may be suspended, causing them to temporarily lose their ability to engage with comments.

Read our community guidelines here

Discussion loading ...

Due to technical reasons, we have temporarily removed commenting from our articles. We hope to have this fixed soon. Thank you for your patience. If you are looking to give feedback on our new site, please send it along to feedback@globeandmail.com. If you want to write a letter to the editor, please forward to letters@globeandmail.com.
Cannabis pro newsletter