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Stop blocking my driveway.

No, really. I don't care if it's just for a minute. I don't care that there is nowhere else to park. If my driveway is empty, it might mean I'm about to come home, and will have to sit fuming, trying to figure out where you've gone – for just a minute. If my car is in my driveway, perhaps I'm on my way out. I have not factored into my trip waiting for you to conclude your business next door, or across the street – just for a minute.

I can be quite reasonable. If you're actually in the car, we can acknowledge each other and you can move. But when you have ditched your car – just for a minute – you've left me no clues, except for the fact that your time is more valuable than mine.

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Tell your workers to stop blocking my driveway.

I consider them your agents, as it were, and it is up to you to make sure they are disrupting you, not me. If the plumber has to move to let someone get to work, I would prefer he was getting out of your way, not mine.

Stop hanging your arse over the sidewalk when you park.

I'm actually okay with this – just for a minute – but sidewalks are for walking, and it's not fair to reroute pedestrians into the road because a) you really didn't know you would be getting a second car when you bought the house, b) you have so much crap in your garage it will no longer hold a car or c) your host didn't tell you where to park.

Like good fences, good parking makes good neighbours.

lorraineonline.ca

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About the Author
Drive, She Said columnist

Lorraine Sommerfeld began writing when she was about to turn 40, because it was cheaper than a red convertible. Her weekly column Drive, She Said, while existing in the automobile section, is a nod to those of us who tend to turn the key rather than pop the hood. More

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