Little is known about modern pedestrian crosswalks. They are, in fact, a deeply mysterious phenomenon.
Why do they exist? Who invented them? Are elves in some way responsible? Why, for instance, is someone using a crosswalk required to do an impersonation of the Hitler Youth (arm extended straight out, legs kicking) in order to be visible to oncoming traffic? Wouldn't moon-walking be a more fun and eye-catching way to guarantee driver attention? If crosswalks are supposed to make it safe for pedestrians to "cross" the street, why are people so often struck using them?
In an effort to alleviate the confusion Road Sage presents a Crosswalk Quiz that guarantees to both delight and inform. Do you have what it takes to walk across a street? Take our test and find out.
1. Who created the crosswalk?
a) Pedestrian crosswalks are supernatural pathways created in the 11th century by ancient wizards as a gift to mankind. When a pedestrian presses the magic button a super-strength force field is triggered. This allows the pedestrian to instantly step out into the street, no matter how close the oncoming traffic. The walker is shielded from any and all harm.
b) The pedestrian crosswalk was created in 1868 in London as a way of keeping chimney sweeps from colliding with boot-blacks.
c) Pedestrian crosswalks were created in 1938 by Stalin's secret police chief Lavrentii Beria as a means of lulling dissenters into a false state of security. Dubbed "Freedom Zones," those destined for the gulag walked across zebra lines and were then loaded onto freight trains heading north.
d) Crosswalks have always existed and are in complete accordance with the Theory of Intelligent Design.
2. Why don't most Canadian crosswalks have in-pavement LED lights? They've been shown to improve safety.
a) In-pavement lights would distract drivers from their texting.
b) I prefer the lights hanging above the street. Very pretty.
c) If in-pavement lights could be changed to reflect holiday seasons, I'd consider them.
d) The only thing that's going "in" the pavement at a crosswalk is a pedestrian.
3. Which of the following is not a type of crosswalk?
a) Pegasus - Traffic must give way to horses, people not riding horses must give way to traffic, riderless horses will be shot on sight
b) Zebra - Traffic must give way to pedestrians
c) Zerba mussel - If you are small and can affix yourself to a metal object you may make it across the street
d) Toucan - Bicycles can use these crosswalks! Rejoice! Death to all cars! All the world's problems have been solved! Scientists have discovered that bicycles are edible!
e) Ladder - Think of this crosswalk like it was a ladder, but, instead of taking you upwards to where you want to go it places you in extreme danger.
4. I feel more nervous using a crosswalk than I do jaywalking. Why is that?
a) Drivers pay no attention to crosswalks.
b) Pedestrians do not use crosswalks correctly.
c) You realize that most crosswalks should be renamed "hitfalls."
d) I don't know. Ask someone who cares like crosswalk activist John Cougar Mellencamp.
5. What happens after I press the button at a crosswalk?
a) A drug cocktail comprised of benzodiazepine and selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors is injected into your body via a needle hidden underneath the soft plastic portion of the button. This powerful mixture creates a sense of well-being and calm, which, in most cases, eases the nerves enough that the notion of using a crosswalk does not cause high anxiety or excessive nervousness.
b) Nothing. Sorry, dude, the button's just there for show.
c) An angel gets his wings.
6. You're driving down a residential street and ahead you see a pedestrian using a crosswalk. You …
a) Roll through and as you do try to make eye contact.
b) Ignore it. It's for pedestrians. When they make pedestrian crosswalks for cars, I'll use them.
c) If the crosswalk is blocking oncoming traffic exploit it to make a left turn. Thank you person who is crossing! More evidence of pedestrians and motorists working together.
7. You are standing on the curb beside a crosswalk, not sure where you are going to go. I mean, you're just looking around, taking in the day, you do not look like you are going anywhere. I could show 100 people video footage of you right now and none of them, I mean none of them, would ever say, "I bet that guy's going to use the crosswalk." You stand still, like a statue. Suddenly you…
a) Dart out onto the crosswalk like a gazelle fleeing a hungry lion, expecting all traffic, no matter how close, to come to a screeching halt. You. Pedestrian has decided to move!
b) All of the above.
Your Score: The correct answer to every question is "A".
Don't be discouraged. If you answered any of the questions it shows that you have some interest in pedestrian safety and that's a start.
Andrew Clark