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A humorous look at the companies that caught our eye, for better or worse, this week.

Tim Hortons


THI (TSX)

  Aug. 8, 2014 close: $68.40
  up $8.04 or 13.3% over week

Frozen Hot Chocolate? Stupid question, but if it’s frozen, isn’t that sort of inconsistent with it being hot? Never mind. Thanks to this and other new menu items, Tims’ U.S. same-store sales jumped 5.9 per cent in the second quarter – the biggest gain in two years – as earnings topped expectations. With U.S. sales looking up and the stock hitting record highs, shareholders are enjoying the chocolatey goodness.

Molson Coors


TAP (NYSE)

  Aug. 8, 2014 close: $71.19 (U.S.)
  up $3.55 or 5.2% over week

Nothing enhances a weekend at the cottage like a few beers. Tip: Save some for after breakfast, too. Molson Coors shareholders are feeling giddy after the brewer posted second-quarter profit that topped expectations, helped by cost-cutting and improved performance in the United States, Latin America and Europe. One exception was Canada, where sales were flat. C’mon people – it’s five o’clock somewhere.

Imperial Metals


III (TSX)

  Aug. 8, 2014 close: $10.36
  down $6.44 or 38.3% over week

According to Imperial Metals president Brian Kynoch, the 10 billion litres of tailings spilled from the Mount Polley gold and copper mine into B.C. waterways “almost meets drinking water standards.” Thanks, but I’m not really thirsty. With the company facing a massive cleanup and local residents being advised not to drink, swim in or cook with the water, investors are dealing with a different sort of catastrophe – in their portfolios.

Walgreen Co.


WAG (NYSE)

  Aug. 8, 2014 close: $60.70 (U.S.)
  down $9.83 or 13.9% over week

Just say no to drugs. And while you’re at it, just say no to drugstores – especially if it’s named Walgreen. The shares plunged after the company unveiled fiscal 2016 earnings guidance below Wall Street estimates, adding to disappointment following its decision not to move its headquarters to Europe for tax purposes. Rising generic drug prices and pressure on pharmacy reimbursements are also sending investors to the pain reliever aisle.

Time Warner


TWX (NYSE)

  Aug. 8, 2014 close: $73.23 (U.S.)
  down $10.57 or 12.6% over week

I guess Rupert Murdoch got the hint. With Time Warner flatly rejecting his $80-billion (U.S.) takeover offer and shares of his own 21st Century Fox getting pummelled amid fears he would overpay, the mega-gazillionaire pulled the plug on his offer. Some Time Warner shareholders aren’t happy about the fall in the share price, but you won’t find many long faces among Time Warner employees, who won’t have Mr. Murdoch to boss them around after all.