A humorous look at the companies that caught our eye, for better or worse, this week
How do body builders get such big muscles?
How do baseball players hit the ball 500 feet?
How do cyclists climb such steep mountains?
Easy: vitamins. Lots and lots of vitamins. But there are some things vitamins can’t do – such as lift a company’s stock price. Shares of Vitamin Shoppe sank after the supplements retailer posted quarterly same-store sales growth of 5.2 per cent – a point less than analysts expected. Investors just got sand kicked in their face.
Ever since Groupon went public in 2011, CEO Andrew Mason has struggled to get the daily deal company’s stock price up. He finally succeeded – by leaving. The shares plunged after Groupon posted a fourth-quarter loss, but they rebounded after Mr. Mason was turfed. “I’ve decided that I’d like to spend more time with my family. Just kidding – I was fired today,” he said in a statement. At least he’s got a sense of humour about it.
Sun safety tips:
1) Never grease your body with olive oil before venturing into the desert completely naked;
2) Never use a magnifying glass to focus the sun’s rays directly on your eye;
3) Never invest in solar stocks.
Hurt by sharply lower solar panel prices and delays affecting some of its planned solar farms, First Solar projected first-quarter sales well below the $822-million analysts were expecting. The stock got burned to a crisp.
ITT Educational Services
When the Securities and Exchange Commission comes calling, it’s usually bad news for a company’s stock price. ITT Educational, operator of the for-profit ITT Technical Institutes and Daniel Webster College, became the latest company caught up in the U.S. student loan scandal when it received a subpoena from the SEC for documents related to its private loan programs. Investors are giving the shares a failing grade.
Bank of Montreal
Multiple choice quiz. Bank of Montreal’s slogan is:
a) You’re richer than you think;
) You think you’re rich, but think again;
c) Making money make sense.
Answer: c. After posting better-than-expected quarterly profit of $1.05-billion and hiking its dividend, however, BMO might want to consider a new slogan: We make more money than you do, sucka!