A humorous look at the companies that caught our eye, for better or worse, this week
Psst. Wanna buy a cheap Surface tablet? Hammered by a shrinking PC market, sluggish Windows 8 sales and a $900-million (U.S.) writedown on its inventory of unpopular Surface devices, Microsoft posted its biggest profit miss in nearly 10 years. Coming a week after a corporate reorganization that contained nary a peep about the crummy results, the news had investors reaching for the “shut down” button.
July 19 close: $31.40 (U.S.), down $4.27 or 12% over week
Shoppers Drug Mart
Products rumoured to be under development now that Loblaw is shelling out $12.4-billion for Shoppers Drug Mart:
1) PC Memories of My One-Night Stand Diapers;
2) The Decadent Chocolate Chip Multivitamin;
3) PC Blue Menu Jalapeno Hemorrhoid Ointment.
Okay, so the synergies haven’t been worked out yet, but after the huge jump in Shoppers shares, you won’t hear any complaints from investors.
July 19 close: $60.48, up $12.08 or 25% over week
Sherwin-Williams makes more than 1,500 colours of paint, but right now investors are showing a preference for blue. The company delivered a double-dose of depressing news, posting second-quarter results that missed analyst estimates and disclosing that Mexico’s competition regulator blocked Sherwin-Williams’s proposed acquisition of Consorcio Comex. The stock's been painted into a corner.
July 19 close: $172.86 (U.S.), down $14.50 or 7.7% over week
Johnson & Johnson
Whether you need a Band-Aid for a scraped knee or the latest diagnostic and surgical equipment to perform a DIY knee replacement – not recommended – Johnson & Johnson has all your health-care needs covered. It's doing a fine job of covering investors’ financial needs, too, after quarterly results topped estimates on strong sales of pharmaceuticals and medical devices. Shareholders have never felt so healthy.
July 19 close: $92.23 (U.S.), up $2.24 or 2.5% over week
In the old days, you had to physically go to someone's house in order to buy all the useless crap from their attic. Now, thanks to eBay, you can buy all their crap online with a few mouse clicks. But if you're determined to throw away money, just buy eBay's stock instead: The shares sank after the company issued a weaker-than-expected third-quarter forecast, citing “macroeconomic headwinds” in Europe and South Korea.
July 19 close: $52.18 (U.S.), down $4.86 or 8.5% over week