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A humorous look at the companies that caught our eye, for better or worse, this week

Canopy Growth Corp. (DOG)

Investors might need a good hit on the bong after the dizzying action in pot stocks this week, partly induced by a riotous Reddit mob. Canopy Growth’s smokin’ stock got even higher on Tuesday after the weed grower’s latest results. Investors overlooked the $829-million loss including impairment and restructuring charges (get it? weed? impairment charges?) and zoned on the company’s forecast for – wait for it – “positive adjusted EBITDA during the second half of FY 2022 and 20% adjusted EBITDA margin for the full year FY 2024.” We’ll toke to that! Like, it’s only trading at 33 times this year’s estimated revenue, dude! But the buzz wore off as the week wore on, and investors adjusted the stock price back downward.

WEED-T

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Molson Coors Beverage Co. (DOG)

We’re pretty sure plenty of people still drink Molson Canadian and Export. It’s just that the craft beer craze shows no signs of letting up, and it seems every Tom, Dick and Gordie Levesque is opening up their own brewery these days. Sure, Molson Coors has broadened its portfolio in recent years, but shares went flat this week after the company reported pandemic-related declines in sales in Europe and Canada and a net loss of US$1.4-billion, including an impairment charge for Europe (get it? beer? impairment charge?). Still, the company insisted its “revitalization plan” is on track, and that 2021 is expected to show top-line growth and a resumption of dividend payments. Investors are hoping to drink (less heavily) to that.

TAP-N

Edgewell Personal Care Co. (STAR)

Thanks to COVID-19, stubble hasn’t been this popular since the days of Don Johnson roaring around in a 1986 Ferrari Testarossa. One downside: it can make for a pretty uncomfortable shave. Enter the Stubble Eraser. Schick’s latest razor promises to take care of several days’ worth of facial hair with little tugging and pulling. Its owner, Edgewell Personal Care, is counting on such innovation, and its latest quarter points to some success: It reported sales that held steady from prepandemic levels despite weakness in some decidedly out-of-favour product segments such as tanning lotions. Forget your stubbles. C’mon get happy.

EPC-N

Match Group Inc. (STAR)

Talk about pent-up demand. There will be a lot of people looking for romance after the pandemic subsides and that means busy times on the dating apps of Match Group. Nothing is easy in the dating world, mind you. This week rival Bumble turned heads by entering the stock market in a blockbuster debut, soaring 80 per cent just on its first day. Match is trying to expand beyond its core market of online dating services by this week purchasing a South Korean social-media company. But as the week dragged on, the question remained: Will too much competition in the dating pool leave investors high and dry?

MTCH-Q

Under Armour (STAR)

A year of at-home workouts can leave that sweaty garb looking worse for wear. Under Armour, the maker of training shoes and running shorts, is helping to freshen up those tired athletic wardrobes and reported a surprise quarterly profit this week. It’s benefiting from a shift to higher-margin, direct-to-consumer sales, and those $35 sleek face masks of theirs are helping out, too. For many investors, it’s time for a victory lap to celebrate that Under Armour is no longer under water.

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