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stars and dogs

A humorous look at the companies that caught our eye, for better or worse, this week.

Tesla (DOG)

TSLA – Nasdaq

Elon Musk’s week from hell. Monday: Tesla sinks on worries about the economy and Mr. Musk’s Twitter flip-flop; Tuesday: Twitter discloses that Mr. Musk did not seek any nonpublic data from the company before signing the US$44-billion deal, which he is now threatening to abandon over the number of fake accounts; Wednesday: S&P cites alleged racism and poor working conditions at Tesla, as well as its handling of a government investigation into multiple fatal Tesla crashes, for booting it from the S&P 500 ESG Index; Thursday: The website Insider reports that Mr. Musk’s SpaceX paid a flight attendant $250,000 to settle a sexual-misconduct claim against him in 2018. Friday: Tesla’s stock plunges again. Saturday: Stay tuned.

McDonald’s (DOG)


You know when you see a commercial for a big, juicy burger, and you drop what you are doing and run as fast as you can to the fast-food place to try it, only to discover that it doesn’t look nearly as big or appetizing as the one in the ad? Hate that. Shares of McDonald’s fell after a lawyer representing a customer in New York filed a proposed class-action lawsuit alleging that Mickey D’s and Wendy’s both use undercooked beef patties in their advertising to make their burgers look 15 to 20-per-cent larger than the fully-cooked ones served to customers. Don’t get me started on the toppings.

Target (DOG)


There once was a business named Target

Whose stock got destroyed by the market

With inflation jumping

And EPS slumping

Investors were covered in scarlet

Under Armour (DOG)


If you add a couple of letters to Under Armour, what do you get? Answer: Under Arm Odour. Hit by supply-chain issues and intense competition, shares of the athletic apparel brand have been stinking up the joint for months. This week, they were giving off an especially foul stench after the company announced that chief executive officer Patrik Frisk is stepping down in the wake of disappointing quarterly results. But don’t shed a tear for Mr. Frisk, who is walking away with a US$7.1-million severance package. That will buy a lot of deodorant.

Sweetgreen (STAR)


Whether you’re planning a birthday party for the kids or having the guys over to watch the game, there’s only one thing that’s sure to have the whole gang smiling: fresh salads. Judging by the rise in shares of Sweetgreen, a fast-growing chain of U.S. restaurants serving salads and other fare, investors are also keen to get their greens. As Sweetgreen explained in its first-quarter results earlier this month, the company creates “plant-forward, seasonal, and earth-friendly meals from fresh ingredients and produce that prioritizes organic, regenerative, and local sourcing.” Let’s hope the stock doesn’t lettuce down.

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