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stars and dogs

A humorous look at the companies that caught our eye, for better or worse, this week

Bitcoin (DOG)

BTM22

Bitcoin investors are sleeping like babies these days: They wake up every few hours and cry. With people continuing to stampede out of riskier assets as the U.S. Federal Reserve hiked its benchmark interest rate by 0.75 percentage points this week, the cryptocurrency extended its months-long plunge and is now trading about 70 per cent below its record high of almost US$69,000 in November. If only someone had warned us that something like this might happen. Oh, wait, lots of people did.

S&P/TSX Composite Index (DOG)

TXCX

When the stock market closes down at least 10 per cent from its peak – as the S&P/TSX Composite Index did on Monday – it’s called a “correction.” When the market closes down at least 20 per cent from its peak – as the S&P 500 did, also on Monday – it’s called a “bear market.” And when the market keeps falling and falling – triggering margin calls, indiscriminate selling and generalized panic – it’s called an excuse to get really drunk, which is what some investors were doing Friday after stocks took another beating this week.

Tesla (DOG)

TSLA - Nasdaq

Wow, Elon Musk is crushing it. This week, a Tesla shareholder filed a lawsuit in a Texas federal court alleging the Tesla CEO “created a toxic workplace grounded in racist and sexist abuse and discrimination.” In a separate lawsuit in New York, a Dogecoin investor alleged that Mr. Musk deliberately “manipulated” the price of the cryptocurrency in a “pyramid scheme” conducted over Twitter for his own “profit, exposure, and amusement.” In yet another dust-up, Mr. Musk’s rocket company, SpaceX, fired at least five employees who had circulated “an open letter to the Executives of SpaceX” that called him a “distraction and embarrassment” to the company. Good luck, Twitter.

DraftKings (DOG)

DKNG - Nasdaq

Wait. Isn’t the house always supposed to win? Shares of sports gambling and fantasy site DraftKings have been a losing bet for investors, as heavy advertising and promotional spending in markets such as Ontario and New York State has spilled red ink all over its bottom line. Weeks after the company posted a first-quarter loss of US$467.7-million, after a loss of US$346.3-million a year earlier, DraftKings shares got pummelled again his week amid recession fears and an ongoing shift away from money-losing growth stocks. Smart bettors took the “under” on this pooch.

FedEx (STAR)

FDX - NYSE

FedEx has been delivering lots of parcels during the pandemic. Now, it’s delivering something even better: a big bag of cash. Just two weeks after appointing new CEO Raj Subramaniam, the shipping company hiked its dividend by 53 per cent, amended its executive compensation program and added two new independent directors in an agreement with activist investor D.E. Shaw. With FedEx’s shares posting their biggest one-day gain in more than 35 years, the company’s “actions to enhance stockholder value” are already delivering the goods.

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