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stars and dogs

Splunk (STAR)

SPLK - Nasdaq

Want to make some easy money? Four words: ransomware attacks on hospitals. “Ooooo, but that’s so evil. Life-saving medical services could be crippled and people could die!” you say? Well, if you’re going to be a goody two-shoes about it, here’s another way to profit from the rise of cyberattacks without violating your precious ethics: Invest in a cybersecurity company. Shares of Splunk soared after networking giant Cisco Systems agreed to acquire the cybersecurity firm for US$28-billion or US$157 per share in cash – Cisco’s largest acquisition to date. Next week’s money-making tip: CRA scams targeting seniors.

Loblaw Cos. (DOG)


“You’re under arrest!”

“What? Why?”

“Because you’re charging $4.99 for a cantaloupe! That’s outrageous!”

“But I’m just the stock boy …”

“Sure, kid. Now hand over the box. We’ll need it as evidence.”

“I swear, I don’t set the prices, I just …”

“Come with me, son. You can explain it to the Prime Minister.”

Planet Fitness (DOG)


Painful: Accidentally dropping a 25-pound plate on your toe at the gym. Excruciating: Investing in gym operator Planet Fitness. Shares of the chain of no-frills fitness centres plunged after the board abruptly fired long-time CEO Chris Rondeau on Sept. 15, shocking analysts and investors. Even Mr. Rondeau – who was replaced by board member Craig Benson on an interim basis – said he was “seriously blindsided” by the decision, which came weeks after the company posted a 28-per-cent increase in second-quarter revenue but trimmed its store growth forecast. With brokerages slashing their price targets on the stock this week, the pain could linger for a while.

Loop Energy (DOG)


Hydrogen fuel cells produce no emissions, apart from harmless water vapour. Unfortunately for Loop Energy investors, the company is also vapourizing a lot of their wealth. The Vancouver-based maker of fuel cells for commercial vehicles and stationary power applications plans to cut two-thirds of its workforce and close production in China after a strategic review failed to secure new partnerships or investments to support the company’s growth. Loop said the cost-cutting moves will “extend the company’s cash runway to the end of the first quarter” of 2024. But with the stock down about 98 per cent since Loop went public at $16 a share in February, 2021, some shareholders aren’t waiting around to see how things turn out.

WeWork (DOG)


WeWork’s woes keep getting worse and worse. Since the perennially money-losing provider of shared office space warned in August of “substantial doubt” about its ability to continue, the already beaten-down stock has shed more than half its value (adjusted for a reverse 40-for-one split that was designed to stave off its delisting from the NYSE). Now, amid reports that WeWork has stopped paying rent on some buildings, the company is trying to negotiate more favourable lease terms on certain properties and exit others as it grapples with a depressed office market. Can WeWork avoid bankruptcy? WeHaveOurDoubts.

Follow John Heinzl on Twitter: @johnheinzlOpens in a new window

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