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stars and dogs

A humorous look at the companies that caught our eye, for better or worse, this week

L Brands (DOG)

What’s skinnier than a Victoria’s Secret model? Its parent company’s share price. Already down about 80 per cent from its 2015 peak, L Brands’ stock sank toward a 10-year low after quarterly same-store sales dropped 6 per cent at Victoria’s Secret – the latest sign that the retailer of sexy underthings is losing market share to brands that promote more inclusive sizes and styles. With the lingerie chain’s long-time marketing chief Ed Razek stepping down recently and the future of Victoria’s Secret’s annual fashion show in doubt after several years of falling viewership, it’s fairly transparent what’s going on here.


Fastly (STAR)

How to use the word “fastly” in a sentence: 1) “Look Mommy, I can run really fastly!”; 2) “This new car goes very fastly – especially when I remember to take the emergency brake off”; 3) “Fastly’s stock is rising fastly.” Shares of the cloud-computing services provider had sold off earlier this month after it released second-quarter results, but several analysts said the selloff was overdone and reiterated or introduced buy ratings on the company, leading to a bigly rebound in Fastly’s shares.


Canadian Imperial Bank of Commerce (STAR)

There once was a bank known as CIBC

Now listen, I’ll make this as plain as can be

Its earnings were higher

And don’t call me a liar

When I tell you it also increased its divvy.


Foot Locker (DOG)

Business quiz! Shares of Foot Locker tumbled after: a) a radical left-wing group, Free Basketball Shoes for Everyone, claimed responsibility for a US$500-million heist at one of the company’s distribution centres; b) U.S. President Donald Trump threatened to slap a 300-per-cent tariff on Nike shoes unless the company returns all manufacturing to the United States; c) Foot Locker reported a 27-per-cent drop in earnings per share for the second quarter as same-store sales rose a disappointing 0.8 per cent. Answer: c.


Target (STAR)

Nobody shops at bricks-and-mortar stores any more – okay, maybe a few people. Following on the heels of Walmart’s strong results, fellow discount retailer Target posted second-quarter earnings that crushed expectations as store traffic rose 2.4 per cent and digital sales – including in-store pickup and same-day delivery – leaped 34 per cent. Citing its “outstanding performance” and “confidence moving forward," Target raised its full-year earnings outlook, helping to send the stock to a record high. These bricks-and-mortar retailers are doomed, I tell ya.


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