The 32nd Toronto International Film Festival is rolling up the red carpet, and I am rolling off it.
That's right, this Brave One has schmoozed Across the (Social) Universe so that readers can come away with a few Fugitive Pieces of the party life. I've gone Into the Wild with Sean Penn, peered In the Valley of Elah with Charlize Theron and met the King of California, Michael Douglas.
I did not, for the record, see any Young People Fucking.
And while I made no Eastern (or for that matter, Western) Promises that I would deliver Brad Pitt, I can confirm that Angelina Jolie ate lunch.
So in the spirit of TIFF's annual awards, I will offer my own Rendition, determined by a complicated Emotional Arithmetic otherwise known as lack of sleep.
Leave the Battle in Seattle and the weed in Weirdsville. Toronto was In Bloom this year, a veritable Golden Age.
If you come looking for me at the Park Hyatt tonight and I'm Not There, I'm probably winding down with the Jane Austen Book Club. Anyway, I think Geoffrey Rush has finally packed it in.
Without further ado - but with loving adieu - here's my bill of bests.
Best interpretation of a red carpet: The azure-blue carpet running from the entrance of the Gardiner Museum to the sidewalk for Robert Lantos's late-night Hellenic feast. It was an ode to the Mediterranean, and in keeping with the Greek setting of Fugitive Pieces.
Wildest party animal: Geoffrey Rush. I spotted and chatted with this Oscar-winning Aussie three times in as many days. And was informed he stopped into a number of other events. He's also quite a dancer.
Most questionable duo: Jessica Alba and Harvey Weinstein. Frequent readers will know that I practically became obsessed with seeing the hot actress and film mogul together so often. Elaine Lui (a.k.a. Lainey Gossip) is convinced he's grooming her à la Sienna Miller and Scarlett Johansson.
Next best thing to NYC: The Valentino runway show on Monday night captured the essence of Fashion Week - the stylish crowd on folding chairs, the hot lighting, the bass-heavy music, the delays - and then some. If only the Italian designer had appeared in the flesh instead of on a screen.
Next best thing to L.A.: The E! Channel launch party. Entering the Four Seasons Presentation Centre - a decadently restrained model suite the size of most people's homes - and spilling out into a clear, cathedral-ceiling tent, I felt as if I were in the home of a Hollywood mogul. Apparently, so did Shawn Ashmore, Lisa Ray, Ellen Page and Sean Paul who, joined by Wyclef Jean, raised the roof with an energy-fuelled concert. Jeffrey Best, an L.A. party planner, deserves a gold statue for social set decorating.
Best appearance by an edible object: Inside Entertainment's burlesque party, which corresponded with the opening of a new steakhouse, Jacobs & Co., last Saturday. The meat got its own VIP room, otherwise known as a glass-walled refrigerator. The American Wagyu black Angus beef, $65 for 10 oz., was the equivalent of George Clooney.
Lounge that benefited beasts more than beauties: While there were myriad hotel suites that brought together fabulous lifestyle products for stars to sample, the Stella Artois for Wild Aid Lounge focused primarily on raising awareness of endangered species and conservation efforts. Hudson Jeans, Xbox and celebrity makeup artist David Babaii contributed as branded supporters. No wonder Angelina Jolie, Liv Tyler, Kate Hudson, Charlize Theron, Woody Harrelson, Mena Suvari and Samuel L. Jackson all gave a green thumbs-up.
Best underground event: The Film Italia party in the Lower Bay subway station. Co-hosted by fashion hangout Boutique Le Trou this past Thursday, it didn't necessarily draw the big names, but it certainly boasted a venue most antithetical to a hotel rooftop.
Prospective wedding venue with best bragging rights: Roof II at the Park Hyatt is a banquet-type space usually booked for conferences and receptions. Now you can say that Brad, Angelina, Jude, Paris, Sean, Ben, Woody and Don Cheadle had fun there.
Funnest party planners: Too many to mention and too many I don't know, but here are the standouts. Barbara Hershenhorn (a.k.a. Party Barb - this is her 25th year co-ordinating all events recognized by TIFF); Stephanie Carpenter and Dave Han of the Park Hyatt; Jillian Eisenberg Roth, Toronto's point person for the InStyle party; Melanie Greco, the Four Seasons gal whom George Christy trusts to co-ordinate his annual lunch; Ryan Heil, a behind-the-scenes American responsible for A-list private dinners; Deb Lewis, the PR star who co-ordinated all ET events at Casa Loma.
Torontonian most easily confused with a celebrity: Ashley Dempster. An effervescent blonde who is co-founder of a private social club called "the society." She looks one part Paris Hilton, one part Jessica Alba. At the Weirdsville party on Wednesday, her chapeau beat Sienna Miller's from last Friday, hands down.
Most-original makeup: Bjork, whose forehead looked to be painted an oceanic blue when I spotted her at Yorkville's Amber. She was in town for the Virgin Music Festival.
Guy who busted some ballsy moves: Justin Long, the guy in the Mac ads, got his eighties groove a week ago Friday night at Holt Renfrew. But best of all was an illustrator with the National Post who exposed his John Travolta flair inside a cage at Wicked.
Toronto's go-to place for fabulous footwear: Davids at the corner of Bay and Bloor. Liv Tyler purchased a pair of Christian Louboutin "Ernesto" booties there last Sunday. On Tuesday, Leelee Sobieski and Tricia Helfer picked up pumps by Givenchy, Louboutin and Giuseppe Zanotti.
Toronto's anti-Louboutin: Ron White. Claiming that his all-day heel would solve stars' aching arches, he courted Hilary Duff, Fergie, Richard Gere (who did not come in looking for heels) and Catherine Zeta-Jones. Manolos his ain't, but if there was one complaint among women at this festival, it's that their feet hurt like hell.
Restaurant that draws all the stars, much to local foodies' amazement: Sotto Sotto. Among the famous feasters: Jodie Foster, Terrence Howard, Jude Law, Kiera Knightley, Uma Thurman, Evan Rachel Wood, Sienna Miller, Jake Gyllenhaal, Tommy Lee Jones, Jennifer Jason Leigh, Naomi Watts and Jason Bateman.
Best and brightest VIP room: Holt Renfrew. Most are dark to help celebs feel more private; this one allowed no one to escape into the shadows. But, with Sienna and Savannah Miller, Liv Tyler, Scott Speedman, Geoffrey Rush, Justin Long, Dean and Dan Caten of fashion label DSquared{+2} mingling with Toronto boldface names, it definitely felt plum and stylishly sardine-packed.
TIFF 2007's adopted motto: "Make it happen." Beloved paparazzo (an oxymoron if ever there was one) George Pimentel claims partial ownership, saying he saw it in a Vanity Fair Proust Questionnaire and started saying it to people instead of other, cheesier photo prompts. I can no longer count how many times I've heard it uttered by industry types in the past week. Pro-actively catchy, it will linger on well past the last distribution deal.
Amy Verner