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Celebrity Photos of the Week: Ladies, back away slowly from Mr. Gaga

All photos by @captionperson

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Let’s get lost. This week in celebritydom begins in Salt Lake City, where Modern Family star Ty Burrell just opened a beer bar, called Beer Bar, that serves up 150 different varieties of suds. And you thought Homer Simpson was a terrible TV dad?

Rick Bowmer/Associated Press

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Next stop: Los Angeles, where Billy Crystal put on his serious game face while courtside at an NBA playoff game between the Clippers and Warriors. Just as long as he isn’t hosting an awards show.

Richard Mackson/USA Today Sports

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Meanwhile in New York, Catherine Zeta-Jones and Michael Douglas showed up at something called the Monte Cristo Awards as part of their continuing hey-we’re-still-together tour. Reunited and it feels so good.

Carlo Allegri/Reuters

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‘Heh-heh, ever since I played Liberace, she keeps asking me to tickle the ivories.’

Carlo Allegri/Reuters

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Elsewhere in the Big Apple, a gaggle of raggedy protesters showed up outside the residence of actor Liam Neeson to protest his support of carriage horses in Central Park. Guys, if you want to make on the front page of the Daily News, at least rent a decent Mr. Ed costume.

Verena Dobnik/Associated Press

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And now back to L.A., where the cast of the coming remake of The Witches of Eastwick was revealed at a … oh, wait, that’s actually Nicki Minaj, Leslie Mann, Cameron Diaz and Kate Upton at the premiere of The Other Woman.

Mario Anzuoni/Reuters

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Predictably, the paparazzi elbowed each other to get shots of Upton, the 21-year-old model known primarily for her Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue appearances. The lass simply can’t take a bad photograph.

Mario Anzuoni/Reuters

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Conversely, the 41-year-old Diaz can’t seem to take a good one.

Mario Anzuoni/Reuters

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See what we mean?

Mario Anzuoni/Reuters

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We could do this all day, but we’ll quit while the memory of Diaz dancing in Charlie’s Angels remains intact.

Mario Anzuoni/Reuters

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Also in The Other Woman is the rugged actor-model (when did that become a thing?) Taylor Kinney, who has appeared in a few movies and TV shows but is far more famous for being the boyfriend of Lady Gaga. Every pop diva needs a date now and then, right?

Mario Anzuoni/Reuters

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Don’t be blowing those red-carpet kisses around so freely, Monster Mate. Gaga has spies everywhere.

Mario Anzuoni/Reuters

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Also this week, Stephen Colbert showed up on The Late Show with David Letterman to wrest control from the current host and pose for a selfie. And then to patiently explain to Dave what a selfie is.

Jeffery R. Staab/Associated Press

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And while that was going on, Michelle Obama presided over the annual Easter Egg Roll on the White House lawn. Because that’s what it says she has to do in the first lady job description.

Jonathan Ernst/Reuters

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Fortuitously, the job description says nothing about wine spritzers before lunch.

Jonathan Ernst/Reuteres

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In other news, Modern Family star Sofia Vergara showed up for the premiere of the film Chef at the Tribeca Film Festival looking hotter than a habanero pepper.

Evan Agostini/Associated Press

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And then in the blink of an eye all that hotness went out the window when Vergara posed with her chef co-star Jon Favreau. Dude, wearing a vest to hide your gut is so not money.

Evan Agostini/Associated Press

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And now let’s wander as far off the beaten path as possible. Here we see the hugely popular South Korean actor Kim Soo-hyun shamelessly shilling for a cosmetics company in Hong Kong. No bunnies were harmed in the making of this commercial.

Tyrone Siu/Reuters

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And here we are in Macau where professional daredevil Alain Robert, known as the ‘French Spider-Man,’ was enlisted for a promotional stunt in support of the coming movie The Amazing Spider-Man 2. Is he strong? Listen, bud. He’s got radioactive blood. Which will likely shorten his lifespan.

Bobby Yip/Reuters

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Of course, Robert dressed appropriately for his climb up the 153-metre Galaxy Macau resort. Because nothing says superhero like a 51-year-old man in red fake-leather pants.

Bobby Yip/Reuters

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But the French Spider-Man really did make the ascent, bless his heart. Look at him go! He’s almost there!

Bobby Yip/Reuters

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And zut alors, didn’t he make it all the way to the top, thereby notching yet another milestone in the pantheon of brave French men willing to risk life and limb for the amusement of witless spectators. We’d like to see to one of those overhyped American daredevils attempt such a foolhardy climb.

Bobby Yip/Reuters

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‘I got this …’ Phil Dunphy says. ‘Um, where exactly is Macau?’

Rick Bowmer/Associated Press

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