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The Globe and Mail

Celebrity Photos of the Week: Everything new is old again!

All captions by @captionperson

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Oh, what a week it was in the wacky world of celebritydom. Let’s begin with Jim Belushi handing out beads at the world’s shortest St. Patrick’s Day Parade in Hot Springs, Arkansas. Hey, it’s no According to Jim, but it pays the bills

Richard Rasmussen/AP

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Cut to: A lonely warehouse somewhere in downtown Chicago, where two unemployed actors auditioned to be part of a promotional campaign for the new movie The Amazing Spider-Man 2. Humiliating rejection is always worse when you’re wearing tights, isn't it?


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As always, the real star action was going on in Los Angeles, where celebrity offspring Jaden Smith finally came out of his shell at the premiere of Divergent


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The problem: Jaden mistakenly wore his boxers on the outside of his pants and only knew how to flash the old ‘thumbs-up’ and ‘V for Victory’ signs to impress the paparazzi


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Then a bad situation turned worse after Jaden became frozen with fear and had to be carried away by attendants. Frankly, we expected more from the son of Will Smith

Jordan Strauss/Jordan Strauss/Invision/AP

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But by then all eyes were on Divergent’s main star Shailene Woodley. At just 22, she’s already being touted as the next Jennifer Lawrence, possibly because Divergent is pretty much the same story as The Hunger Games. Let’s see if Ms. Woodley covered off all the newcomer celebrity bases…


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Execute awesome hand gesture to endear yourself to surfer dudes and gang members - check


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Smile and snuggle with your handsome but sexually non-threatening Divergent co-star, Theo James - check


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Make yourself go out of focus to allow everyone a better glimpse of some fan’s dreadful sketch - check


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Obligingly pretend to like your older and more experienced Divergent co-star Kate Winslet, who at your age was queen of the world courtesy of Titanic - check


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But just when Shailene Woodley was feeling terrific about her future, 14-year-old Mad Men star Kiernan Shipka showed up at tht Divergent premiere to make her feel like an old hag. Ah, the Hollywood circle of life

Jordan Strauss/Jordan Strauss/Invision/AP

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Jump to New York for the premiere party for the upcoming new season of HBO’s Game of Thrones. Among the attendees was the young Irish actor Jack Gleeson, or possibly a ventriloquist’s dummy that looks just like him


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No, no, Sophie Turner, your hand goes in the back of the dummy


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And since we’re secretly afraid of the diminutive actor Peter Dinklage, shown here with spouse Erica Schmidt, we’re just going to skip past this photograph


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And weren’t all the kids at the Game of Thrones premiere thrilled when Santa Claus himself dropped by! Okay, fine, this is Game of Thrones author George R.R. Martin, but we’re less afraid of him than Peter Dinklage


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Also at the GOT premiere was the strapping actor Rory McCann, apparently to remind us all that his ancestors wore pleated skirts


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And truth be told, nobody was quite sure why Sally Field showed up. She’s not in Game of Thrones, but wasn’t she just great in Norma Rae?


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Final stop: Paris, the city of lights and filthy streets, where Samuel L. Jackson wore a way-too-small-for-him jacket to the premiere of Captain America: The Winter Soldier

Jacques Brinon/AP

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Here’s Captain America himself, Chris Evans, who busted out a traditional eighties-era bankers suit for the occasion


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Meanwhile, the French fans flocked madly around Captain America star Scarlett Johansson, who is apparently expecting her first child. Does she look pregnant to you?


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Egad, she’s like a house on heels. Huge! She’ll never work again!


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Finally, Paris was also the scene for the bizarre stage musical Le Bal des Vampires, which was directed by 80-year-old director and international felon Roman Polanski. Did everyone’s fondest wishes come true when Polanski posed inside a coffin during the performance?


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Thank you, Santa!


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