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All captions by The Globe and Mail. You can follow Caption Writing Person's tweets at @captionperson.

Uggie, the canine star of “The Artist,” is seen here on Tuesday joining the dissolute ranks of forgotten A-listers seeking to rekindle their lost fame by publishing a self-serving, tell-all memoir of their journey from small-town dreamer with a song in their heart and a love of Judy Garland to the glitter of Hollywood and the inevitable shame spiral through rehab, neutering, forgiveness and "Dancing with the Stars."Reuters

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On the plus side, there’s still the odd groupie.Reuters

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Thank goodness Playboy magazine founder Hugh Hefner has never posed for a photo in a Halloween costume upon which someone could base a joke about the source of his bizarre and inexplicable agelessness and his living in a castle-like residence and never being seen in sunlight and being a bloodsucking exploiter of women.Reuters

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And thank goodness Paris Hilton didn’t go to his Halloween party last week dressed as a prostitute.Reuters

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Kelsey Grammer and wife Kayte attended the Playboy party dressed as Kelsey Grammer in a cheap cape and his wife Kayte with a something going on that I’m not going to touch.Reuters

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Now we know for sure that Neil Patrick Harris’s breasts are real.Reuters

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Here is every Canadian’s idea of a Romney voter.Reuters

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Here is every Romney voter’s idea of a Canadian. You tell me which is more disturbing.Reuters

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Kerry Washington attends the premiere of "The Details" in Los Angeles on Saturday wearing the latest in dress fashion, which, if I understand it correctly, involves mixing nature scenes with postage stamps and television station logos?Reuters

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Cameron Diaz keeps it simple at the Los Angeles County Museum of Art 2012 Art + Film Gala on Saturday. Also keeping it simple these days: accent walls in cheap Mexican restaurants; limoncello; and the faint odor of desperation.Reuters

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Actress Rosie Huntington-Whiteley keeps the sideboob dream alive at the Los Angeles County Museum of Art 2012 Art + Film Gala on Saturday.Reuters

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How To Be a Celebrity, as Demonstrated by Nicki Minaj. 1) Arrive smiling at launch of lip-gloss line at a department store in London on Monday.Reuters

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2) Pose provocatively with the product.Reuters

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3) Pose unnecessarily provocatively with the product.Reuters

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4) Pose with fans.Reuters

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5) Hide from photographers on your way out because DAMMIT YOU DESERVE A LITTLE PRIVACY!!Reuters

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Caption Writing Person wishes you a Happy Halloween. Wait till you see my costume!Reuters

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Ha! Sooooo funny!!Reuters

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