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Celebrity Photos of the Week: Tori! Tori! Tori!

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Hang onto your hat because we’re all over the map this week, starting with a stop in Beijing, where director Michael Bay calmed the crowd at the Transformers: Age of Extinction premiere by explaining that the star of his movie was simply a big dumb hunk of machinery (named Mark Wahlberg)

REUTERS

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Also on the red carpet were new Transformer arrivals Jack Reynor and Nicola Peltz, who seems to have a pretty good idea of who the Transformer movies are made for

REUTERS

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Luckily, cast member Li Bingbing was on hand to class up the event. Can you believe this woman is 41 years old?

REUTERS

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Now to Wimbledon, England, where Hugh Jackman’s appearance at an early-round match got people speculating: Is he shooting a movie where he plays a bald cowboy? Or is he prepping to fill that empty spot in The Village People? Either scenario seems feasible

SUZANNE PLUNKETT/REUTERS

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And now to the streets of New York, where 80-year-old ex-weatherman Willard Scott was hauled out of retirement for the launch of Smucker’s fruit snacks made from all-natural, easily compostable ingredients. Kinda like Willard himself, really

Diane Bondareff/Invision for The J.M. Smucker Co

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Now to Los Angeles, where Zach Braff was proud as a peacock at the premiere for his movie Wish I Was Here, which he launched with a Kickstarter campaign. Here we see Zach pleading with his co-star Jim Parsons to help pay off his student loan. Parsons demurred

MARIO ANZUONI/REUTERS

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‘C’mon, bro. I read somewhere that every time an episode of Big Bang Theory airs you get a dime. And your show is on, like, all the time!’

MARIO ANZUONI/REUTERS

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Later, Zach cozied up to his Wish I Were Here child stars Joey King and Pierce Gagnon. And stole their allowances

MARIO ANZUONI/REUTERS

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Meanwhile in Denver, former U.S. president Bill Clinton did his level best to explain to Bloomberg TV host Willow Bay just how far he keeps his distance from interns these days

Brennan Linsley/AP

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Later that evening, Mr. Clinton employed different hand gestures to explain how his marriage has lasted three decades. Bubba!

Brennan Linsley/AP

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And now let’s hop across to Belfast, where Queen Elizabeth received a royal tour of the Game of Thrones set and declared that the show’s iconic throne looked like rather uncomfortable seating

PHIL NOBLE/REUTERS

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But since she was The Queen, she naturally received a 15-per-cent-off discount coupon at the Game of Thrones gift shop. Little George will just love this!

POOL/Reuters

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And since we’re already in Europe, let’s peek in on Milan Fashion Week, where Aerosmith members Joe Perry and Steven Tyler broke out their best hair extensions and snakeskin pants for Milan Fashion Week. Dudes look like old ladies

Luca Bruno/AP

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Also making the scene in Milan: Chris Pine, best known for assuming the Captain Kirk role in the Star Trek movie reboots. You’ll never catch William Shatner with frosted tips, fella

Luca Bruno/AP

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Now all the way back to New York for the premiere of Deliver Us From Evil, a schlocky horror feature starring Edgar Ramirez and Olivia Munn. When did brown become the new brown again? Did we miss a memo?

Evan Agostini/Invision/AP

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Also in Deliver Us From Evil: Aussie actor Eric Bana, whose career soared with Blackhawk Down and then sunk like a stone with playing the Hulk. In Hollywood circles, he’s best known for his ability to maintain the exact same facial expression for weeks and months at a time

Evan Agostini/Invision/AP

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Yep, that’s the expression all right

Evan Agostini/Invision/AP

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Also this week: The NHL Awards in Las Vegas brought together a whole bunch of bulky hockey players in ill-fitting suits, among them Montreal Canadiens defenseman P.K. Subban, who somehow found time to audition for the Mummenschanz Theatre during his trip to Sin City

Stephen R. Sylvanie/USA Today Sports

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And did the celebrities turn out in for the NHL Awards? Ladies and gentleman, Oscar-winner Cuba Gooding Jr. was in the house and apparently a pretty good sport about drunken hockey wives yelling at him, ‘Show me the money!’

Steve Spatafore/AP

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And so here we have Beverly Hills, 90210 originals Tori Spelling and Jennie Garth posing to promote their new ABC Family series Mystery Girls. Either woman has had trouble finding acting roles post-90210 and to most people they’ll forever be Donna and Kelly. Can you imagine a more horrible fate than getting typecast into a one-note TV role?

Amy Sussman/Invision/AP

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Bazinga!

MARIO ANZUONI/REUTERS

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