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Celebrity photos of the week: Who won Pope Search 2013?

Caption Writing Person is on vacation, but you can still send angry comments their way @captionperson

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There’s only one question on the minds of the throngs of visitors waiting at the Vatican for the chimney smoke in St. Peter's Square during the second day of the conclave to elect a new pope: Who will be the next big tuna? Let’s take a look at the nominees

Oded Balilty/AP

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Look! There’s Cardinal – wait, no, that’s just director Steven Spielberg in Mumbai, to celebrate the success of his movie Lincoln, which was co-produced by the Indian company Reliance Entertainment. Nope, he won’t be the new pope. It’s not like he’s directing a new Star Wars movie or anything.

Rafiq Maqbool/AP

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Here come U.S. Cardinal Timothy Dolan and Cardinal Ricardo Vidal, of the Philippines, attending a Mass for the election of a new pope inside St. Peter's Basilica, at the Vatican. Their impression of this classic Manute Bol and Muggsy Bogues photograph is impeccable.

Andrew Medichini/AP

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And the crowd goes wild for Steve Carell as he waves at them at the premiere of The Incredible Burt Wonderstone in Hollywood, California March 11, 2013. Could he be the pope? Nope, he’s just happy to be here in the fading post-Office years of his career. In case anyone cares, The Incredible Burt Wonderstone is about magicians.


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In uninspired casting news, cast member and magician David Copperfield signs autographs at the premiere of The Incredible Burt Wonderstone in Hollywood, California March 11, 2013.


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Pope John Paul II?! Nope, just Alan Arkin takes at the premiere of The Incredible Burt Wonderstone in Hollywood, California, March 11, 2013.


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Jim Carrey, when he’s not starring in schlock like The Incredible Burt Wonderstone, is actually an intensely spiritual person. He’s been plenty critical of the Catholic Church plenty on his Twitter feed. Good on him.


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Cast member Olivia Wilde really hopes you don’t look up her IMDB page at the premiere of The Incredible Burt Wonderstone in Hollywood, California March 11, 2013.


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No, still no pope yet? OK, let’s see who else we’ve got.


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Hitting the red carpet now is German Cardinal Reinhard Marx, who, in case you didn’t see the film, played Philip Seymour Hoffman in The Master.

Andrew Medichini/AP

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Kirsten Dunst and Jim Sturgess awkwardly try to break the ice while attending the Upside Down Los Angeles Premiere in Los Angeles.

Todd Williamson/AP

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‘Hey Kirsten, did you hear the one about the pope’s nose?’ ‘No, Jim, tell me more.’ ‘ whisper whisper ’

Todd Williamson/AP

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‘Oh, Jim, that is SO dirty! You can’t say that about the pope. You don’t really know what he wears under that robe.’

Todd Williamson/AP

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Meet The Bachelor, Sean Lowe: He’s charming, handsome, he gives women roses and he’ll be on Dancing with the Stars. What more could you ask for in a pope? Oh, the chastity thing? Well isn’t that why he’s called the Bachelor?

Kevin Foley/AP

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Black smoke, still? Okay, let’s move on.

Gregorio Borgia/AP

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The competition to be pope is stiff. In this corner, hailing from La Motte, Quebec, and vying for the papal candidacy, it’s Canadian Cardinal Marc Ouellet!

Andrew Medichini/AP

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And in the other corner, he’s an American actor and professional wrestler, it’s Dwayne Johnson holding his championship belt! But why he’s doing that during the world premiere event of his new film G. I. Joe: Retaliation in Seoul, South Korea, Monday, March 11, 2013, no one knows.

Lee Jin-man/AP

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‘U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!’ chanted a vatican faithful wrapped in a U.S. flag while waiting for smoke to rise from a chimney on top of the Sistine Chapel during the second day of voting for the election of a new pope, at the Vatican March 13, 2013.


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Former NBA star Dennis Rodman walks down a street near St. Peter's Square at the Vatican, Wednesday, March 13, 2013. Rodman is in Rome to promote the papal candidacy of Cardinal Peter Turkson of Ghana.

Andrew Medichini/AP

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Cardinal Timothy Michael Dolan flashes his secret handshake to Dennis Rodman.


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Cardinal Peter Kodwo Appiah Turkson, of Ghana, plays coy and tries to ignore Dennis Rodman’s publicity bomb of the papal conclave. He wishes it could have been Manute Bol instead.

Riccardo De Luca/AP

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Kate Middleton, occasionally also known as Britain's Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge, is incredibly relieved that everyone forgot about her for a week.


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Actress Blake Lively, so professionally scarred by the anticlimactic end to Gossip Girl, is reduced to arriving at red carpets as Ryan Reynold’s wife, such as at the premiere of the film The Croods in New York, March 10, 2013.


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Double-diss: Husband of Blake Lively Ryan Reynolds arrives with Emma Stone at the premiere of the film The Croods in New York, March 10, 2013.


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Picture Nicolas Cage wearing a papal tiara and a Superman cape and tell us you wouldn’t vote for him.


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Actor Steve Buscemi raises a fist bump in appreciation of the papal conclave drawing attention away from the world premiere of The Incredible Burt Wonderstone at the TCL Chinese Theatre on Monday, March 11, 2013 in Los Angeles.

Dan Steinberg/AP

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Still black.


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How about leading man Joseph Gordon-Levitt, arriving at a screening of Don Jon's Addiction at the SXSW Film Festival, on Monday, March 11, 2013 in Austin, Texas. Can he be your leading pope?

Jack Plunkett/Invision

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Who’s the boss? Exactly.

Jack Plunkett/Invision

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Hold me closer, Tony Danza, we have white smoke!


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