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Check out some of Kelly Oxford's best tweets

Kelly Oxford has been mentored and encouraged by some big names

HarperCollins Canada

  • Just watched a woman buy: gas-x, lice treatment and condoms. I spoke for the world when I said, “I hope they all work
  • Every clock in my room changed daylight time on its own. It’s finally the future.
  • To me, every neck tattoo says, “I don’t know what I’m doing.”
  • If you can name 5 Kardashians but can’t name 5 countries in Asia, stick a knife in an electrical socket.
  • Do these people in Polident commercials know their life is over?
  • The longer I have kids the more I realize parents who tell their kids they weren’t the reason for divorce were lying.
  • Try explaining to your kid why Colonel is spelled like that, then get back to me.
  • Overheard a hipster say “Quinoa is kind of 2011” so I lit his beard on fire.
  • I’ve cried during every American Idol performance tonight, in case you’ve ever wondered what having PMS is like.
  • Canadians watch U.S. politics like Americans watch Jersey Shore.
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