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Nuts and Bolts of a Sick Kid Daycare Drop-off

- From Sh*tty Mom: The Parenting Guide for the Rest of Us. Read an interview with two of the co-authors here.

1. Never bring your kid to school if she has a fever.

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2. Correction: Never bring your kid to daycare if you know she has a fever, which is why you should never take your child's temperature, especially if she feels hot. The less you know, the less you have to lie about.

3.Teachers can tell when you're lying. Like cops, they hear the same bullshit over and over again. If the teacher asks point blank if your daughter has a fever, you can't say no when the answer is yes without tippng her off. However, you can look her in the eyes and say, "Not that I know of." Because it's true. Information is your enemy.

4. Drop her off during a busy time, like 8 a.m. Get lost in the herds of moms dropping off their healthy-for-now kids. Then run. Try to be in your car before your kid coughs.

5. Teach your kid to cough into her elbow. The less your kid coughs on others, the less likely the teacher is to call you at work.

6. Teach her to say, "I have allergies." If she's particularly articulate: "year-round allergies."

7. If the teacher calls you at work, don't pick up the phone. Better yet, leave the phone in the car. How can you feel guilty about missing a call if you don't have your phone with you? Remember: Information is your enemy.

8. Don't return a call from daycare until the second voice mail. If your kid is really sick, they will leave multiple messages.

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9. If you have to pick up your kid, wait until the end of the day. Pick her up an hour earlier than normal. You'll still get there before closing time, but you won't be leaving work too early.

10 You work when you're sick – most people do. It's the new America. And how can we compete in a global economy if our kids stay home every time they have a "cold" or "strep throat"? Take your sick kid to daycare. For yourself. For America.

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