The question: I like morning nookie as much as my partner, but I prefer espresso, whereas he wants to savour a grande latte. How can I get him to speed it up without hurting his feelings?
The answer:
Dear Espresso Maker,
We so often make the assumption that women want epic lovemaking sessions; ones that will outlast Gone With the Wind and even a Phish concert. We are, after all, living in the age of Sting, whose boast that he had eight-hour Tantric congress with his wife was heard in bedrooms around the world.
Not so, you say. None of this supersized frothiness; I prefer a jet fuel between the sheets. What is left to do, dear Espresso Maker, but tell your partner?
Now, editorial comment - be it on a manuscript, tennis serve or black-tie outfit - is always risky, and despite insistences to the contrary, rarely welcome. This is, of course, exponentially so when one is naked, contorting and full of effort and goodwill. Your Grande Latte has his slow-love routine, which he is likely and deservedly quite proud of. He may even feel a private kinship with Sting.
Your tone, delivery and timing are key. This is a conversation that occurs just before the act itself. With clarity, grace and a hint of mischief, begin by framing your suggestion in praise; laud his endurance and peerless sexiness. Next, tell him that while, perhaps later in the day, you would love something more languid, you are at this early hour in the mood for a quickie. Please use whatever naughty jargon is available to you - and stirring for him - to embellish this request.
Espresso Maker, this is not a call to the complaints department: You are simply adding another routine to your already enviable repertoire. Rather than lingering over something delectable, you want the drive-thru. This is not a cheapening, but a variation. And in proposing it, you are ordering the most important item on the menu: something new.
Claudia Dey is the author of How to Be a Bush Pilot: A Field Guide to Getting Luckier
Let's hear from you
If you have a sexual dilemma of your own, e-mail us at coupling@globeandmail.com. All questions are published anonymously.