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The Globe and Mail

Happy iPad 2 day! But do you really care?

Workers apply the Apple logo the outside of the Yerba Buena Center for the Arts on February 28, 2011 in San Francisco, California. Apple is preparing to launch the iPad 2 at a special event to be held on March 2 at the Yerba Buena Center for the Arts.

Justin Sullivan/Justin Sullivan/Getty Images

Forget Charlie Sheen or John Galliano. Today's iPad 2 launch is dominating both the serious news and the celebrity gossip sphere (will the ailing Steve Jobs ever be knighted?), and as much goofball novelty bandwidth as possible (when giant iPads attack)

There's no doubt that office productivity will take a nosedive today, what with geeky workers and bosses ignoring your e-mails because they're too busy watching the press conference. Get their attention by speculating on Mr. Job's health and role in the company, hand-wringing over the spectre of FaceTime technology going wide and forcing us all to look at the people we're talking to, and grumbling about how Apple doesn't quite have it right yet.

Want to skip over all that? Esquire has a few guesses on what the iPad 3 could look like. Among the printable features they predict will be on the future device:

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One side will have a series of plastic teeth allowing you to comb your hair.

Rear spoiler.

First major software update will finally open up direct portal into John Malkovich's head.

A backward-facing screen, to be able to teleconference with somebody directly in front of you.

Bottom line: Do you care about the iPad 2? And when did product launches become the Royal Weddings of the geek set?

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About the Author

Tralee Pearce has been a reporter at The Globe and Mail since 1999, starting as a writer in the paper’s Style section. She joined the new Life section for its launch in 2007. She covers parenting and family issues for the daily section. More

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