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Sleepover

Four years and $450-million worth of renovations make the Paris Ritz ready for the 21st century's elite

The Ritz overlooks Paris’s Place Vendôme.

The centre of Paris is known as Point Zero (or Kilometre Zero) and is marked by an octagonal plate in front of Notre-Dame Cathedral. Head about three kilometres northwest and you will find the centre of the universe. At least, that is how the newly reopened Ritz Paris endeavours to make you feel.

Place Vendôme, the octagonal square in the 1st arrondissement that houses the best of the best shops of art and perfumes, fashion, diamond baubles and just about everything else good money can buy, is the pinnacle of Paris's luminescent splendour. At the heart of the Vendôme is the Vendôme Column with a tiny (as usual) Napoleon at its top. And in the plaza surrounding this phallus of folly are some of the most ultraluxe hotels the continent has to offer. But none bearing a brand more luxurious than the Ritz.

The grande dame has been commanding its place here since César Ritz opened it in 1898. But time takes its toll even on great hotel brands, so four years and $450-million were spent to recapture that inimitable French art de vivre.

And mon dieu, it did.

Design

The renovated Ritz in Paris.

The rebuild, finished last year, retains enough over-the-top classical 19th-century splendour to make Marie Antoinette blush. The palette remains creams and pink pastels. But now, such modern upgrades as the world's first Chanel spa (with an indoor pool, now in art-deco style), the Ritz Escoffier cooking school and (my favourite) a TV in every room that magically appears in the mirror, firmly ensconce the Ritz in the 21st century, despite its obsession with historic luxury. So this is a retreat for both dauphins and Kardashians. I could go on. But really, no amount of words could further gild this embroidered, champagne-soaked, otherworldly, plush, privileged lily.

Whom you'll meet

Chances are, you don’t check in at the Ritz Paris merely to rest your head, but when it’s time to go to your room something ultraluxe awaits.

You will meet extremely rich people from around Europe and the world. The Austrian couple I chatted with in the lobby were delightful, even if I found his fox-fur ascot a bit much for a warm fall afternoon. But then again, you don't come to rest your head at the Ritz Paris because you are tired and need a room. You are here because you can be – and will want to see who else can be. (And I'm sure he found my Mountain Equipment Co-op knapsack somewhat lacking amid the velvet sofas and gold leaf.)

Eat in or eat out?

Dining options include a restaurant featuring smart haute cuisine by Michelin-starred chef Nicolas Sale.

If your chauffeur is not dining with you, prepare to dine alone. Not that that would be a total travesty. The smart haute cuisine by Michelin-starred chef Nicolas Sale alone is enough to make you weep into your selle d'agneau de lait. But options and company disappear quickly après minuit, in keeping with the rest of the city. Even the leather- and wood-cloaked legendary Bar Hemingway (the scribe lived well and drank well at the hotel) calls last call sooner than you would think. So retreat to your suite and choose a simple peasant's hamburger delivered to your chandeliered chambre, and have your bottle of du-Pape open and waiting.

Here arrives a gold-gilded (of course) chariot of a trolley championing a near-raw round of ground beef and hint of pork, nestled with love within a bright golden pastry-like bun. A fresh tomato paste, Dijon and some angry young gherkins await your approval on the side. It will be the greatest hamburger of your life (with apologies to all of North America). Yes, at the Ritz, even the midnight burgers are better than the rest of the world.

If I could change one thing

The renovated Ritz in Paris.

The lavender, or what the Ritz says is its signature "Ambre," scent. It's been a tradition of the Ritz, since its inception, to pipe the somnolent odour into and among the rooms, lounges and crowds of the hotel. So much so that much of the rest of the luxury-hotel industry has followed suit. But here, it is relentless. I can shield my eyes from the gilt if it begins to overwhelm. I can politely decline the doting attention and care so generously offered by the 10,000-strong (seemingly) army of staff. But I do have to breathe. And so I have no choice, returning home from all that Paris is and offers, to breathe in lavender … all day and all night. Oh, and lose the Puttin' on the Ritz canned background soundtrack. The Ambre is tradition. The incessant Irving Berlin a pedestrian misstep. And a bit gauche.

But that's nitpicking. The Ritz is above such quibbles. Le Ritz, c'est le Ritz, as they say. It is so far from reality, so over-the-top, so steadfastly immersed in another glorious century, that stepping back into the streets outside the Vendôme is almost a relief. Like finally coming down off a dizzying lavender high.

Ritz Paris, 15 place Vendôme, Paris; ritzparis.com; 142 rooms from €1,000 (or about $1,400) a night.

The writer was a guest of the hotel.