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Ski naked – and 10 more things you can no longer do on the hill

1. Ski with a wineskin, in jeans, in rear-entry boots, set on "walk"

For many years, the skier's mantra was "Fun, fashion and safety last." For some, apr├Ęs-ski just couldn't start early enough.

2. Wear a baby on your back

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It's simply one of those things that looked more dangerous than it was. Today's alternative? Leave the sprog in a daycare of pestilence with the Teletubbies.

3. Ski without a helmet

Despite suffering from an infinitesimally smaller number of head injuries compared with hockey players and cyclists, skiers want to look like them. What happened to wind through the hair and Bain de Soleil dark tanning oil on the face?

4. Ride a shovel, cafeteria tray or lift-tower pad

Although lots of memories abound of these activities by many who are now senior resort personnel, few photos remain.

5. Ride a chair with the "safety" bar up

Pro-patrollers will concur, falls happen only from chairs with safety bars. That didn't stop New York from making the practice illegal though. Here's an opening line, for when you meet your new cellmate: "What are you in for?"

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6. Take a turn in the gates

Resorts are okay with you hanging upside down above a house-size jump in the terrain park, but God forbid you play in the ruts after a practice race.

7. Smoke in the lift line

Okay, so not all of us yearn for the return to skiing's heyday.

8. Drive in ski boots

Yes, it's outright dangerous, unless it's done in a controlled environment (your roommate's truck and rental cars no longer qualify). France has a law specifically banning driving in ski boots. Most wish they would concentrate on banning smoking.

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9. Ski down the T-bar or Poma track

What's a T-bar? Many young skiers and most snowboarders haven't even tried a drag lift, let alone rip virgin powder on the track after a storm.

10. Launch your hang glider

It wasn't that long ago this kind of stuff happened, with a resort's blessing. Really.

11. Ski naked

It's getting harder and harder to find Canadians confident enough to ski starkers. Thank Ullr (the Norse god of snow) for Aussies and for closing day in Banff's Sunshine Village each spring.

Iain MacMillan is the editor of Ski Canada magazine.

Special to The Globe and Mail

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