It was the Mayor Gregor Robertson's young (but rapidly aging) executive assistant Kevin Quinlan who reminded me that the issue of converting the former Vancouver remand centre on Gore Street into social housing is not a new one.
He recalls that it was the first news conference he organized as a newly hired Vision Vancouver staffer.
It was the autumn of 2006, when Vision was the main opposition on city council. Mr. Quinlan remembers Councillor Tim Stevenson floating the idea of converting the vacant remand centre to housing as a trial balloon.
According to Mr. Quinlan, I summed up Mr. Stevenson's proposal with a rhetorical question that went something like, "So why don't you just call this what it is: You want to put homeless people in jail?"
Clearly satisfied with the trajectory of that five-year-old balloon, a few weeks ago council committed $2-million toward the estimated $13-million cost of the project.
The hoarding has yet to go up, but the project is to be spearheaded by BC Housing and will turn the former jail into 95 units of social housing, one quarter of them rented at the welfare-shelter rate of $375 a month.
Now I know the city hasn't done so well recently with some of its other forays into the high-risk game of Vancouver real estate, but it's clear that turning this site into social housing is a missed opportunity.
With a Bank of Montreal report this week showing Vancouver's real-estate bubble stretched beyond the laws of physics, this may be the city's last chance to maximize its profit by converting the site to condominiums rather than social housing. It could use the windfall to build more social housing in an even less desirable location.
If Bob Rennie can sell 536 Downtown Eastside condos in 12 hours by telling people to "Be Bold or Move to Suburbia," imagine what can be done to market an actual jail?
Let's begin by naming it "JALE." Or maybe the old English "GAEL," which might appeal to offshore buyers who like British-sounding stuff. Either way, make sure the name only ever appears in block caps, and use one of those squashed-down, extra-wide fonts. Paragraph Stretch is a good one. I see it in a lot of malls.
Let's capitalize on the traffic leaving downtown via Cordova Street during the afternoon rush. Lots of signage. How about this: "If you lived here you'd be in JALE by now." It's cool and it riffs on Bob Rennie's "Be Bold" thing, but it's even edgier.
Let's not let people forget they're living in a building that used to house actual drug dealers, thieves and murderers. There's no point in trying to minimize it. Instead, embrace it. Let's keep some of the bars and other physical features in tact. (Heritage grant?) And rather than white leather furniture or multi-coloured plush cubes for people to sit on in the lobby, let's think about one of those modular brushed aluminum table-tops with four suspended seats attached and the whole thing bolted to the floor.
Highlight the fact that there will be a 24-hour onsite concierge. We'll call him "The Screw." Just think about it: "Hey Screw, Fed-Ex dropped off anything for me this morning?" "Hey Screw, can you send the sushi guy up to cell 441?" Brilliant.
Of course, we'll stick with the convention of the granite countertop with two sweating glasses of Napa Valley Chardonnay, some tulips, and a melon baller for the promo shots. But maybe hang a gobo over the lights to cast the faint shadow of bars over the whole shot. Nice.
And since we've already convinced people that stainless steel appliances are superior to ones that you can actually clean, a stainless steel toilet can't be that far a stretch.
Sure the suites are small, but if we go with one person per studio, and say, two people in the one-bedrooms, we're looking at about 118 residents. The place only held 150 people when it was an actual jail.
On price points? That's an easy one. The government would spend about $4,000 per month to keep an actual prisoner in jail. You could own a well-appointed suite in "JALE" (remember the font) starting at just $1,400 per month (with a 20-per-cent down payment).
And the grand opening? Wait for it.
On that sunny Saturday morning when people are lined up around the block for the pre-sales, lattes in hand, yakking on their smartphones, making massage appointments for their chocolate Labs? We cut the ribbon with a hacksaw we've buried in a cake that says, in cool blue icing, "Welcome to JALE."
Find a baker who can do the font.
Stephen Quinn is the host of On the Coast on CBC Radio One in Vancouver, 690 AM and 88.1 FM.