Stephen Quinn is the host of On the Coast on CBC Radio One, 690 AM and 88.1 FM in Vancouver.
Vancouver Mayor Gregor Robertson may strike you as the last person on Earth to adopt Donald Trump-style politics, but that doesn't mean the Mayor is above asking President Trump for a little advice.
With a poll released this week showing Mr. Robertson with an approval rating of just 50 per cent – the lowest among 10 Canadian mayors – and another poll, showing Donald Trump with the lowest approval rating of any president on his way into the Oval Office in four decades – just 44 per cent – the Mayor thought it might be time for a little chat.
Trump: (Picking up phone) This is the President. How good is that? Did you hear what I just said?
Robertson: Uh, wow, gosh.… Mr. President, it's Gregor Robertson, the mayor of Vancouver, Canada.
Trump: Tremendous city, Vancouver – I'm opening a hotel there – or maybe it's open – I don't know. I've handed all of that off to the kids so I have literally no idea. It's beautiful, the hotel. So classy. You should stay there some time. What can I do for you, Greg?
Robertson: Well, thanks for taking my call, I know you must be very busy. I'm looking for a little advice. We're both kind of in the same situation right now in that, well, nobody seems to like either of us very much.
Trump: What are you talking about? Did you hear my speech? They love me. The people love me. That's why I won the election in a landslide. A. Land. Slide.
Robertson: Yeah, well, it's just that a poll showed you with an approval rating of 44 per cent just before you were sworn in. I mean, some polls had you as low as 34 per cent.…
Trump: Rigged! Didn't you see my tweet? Hang on, here it is. Let me read it to you. It's amazing: "The same people who did the phony election polls, and were so wrong, are now doing approval rating polls. They are rigged just like before." See how I called them both rigged and phony? That makes me smart.
Robertson: Well, I don't know if the poll here was rigged, but it says my approval rating is just 50 per cent.
Trump: So you have the same dishonest, fake news media in Canada that we have here. Very dishonest. Very biased media. Of course the poll was rigged. I'd kill for 50 per cent, by the way. I'm serious.
Robertson: I mean, I did quite well in the "strongly supports" category, so I guess that says the people who like me really like me. You know, core support and all of that.
Trump: I'm the same. The people who like me – which is everybody, I should say – like me a lot. Some of them even have a special salute for me. It's tremendous. They're incredible.
Robertson: But in overall numbers, gosh, even the mayor of Ottawa got 63 per cent.
Trump: So that one was rigged the other way. Listen, here's what I'm going to tell you: I don't care.
Robertson: About his numbers or mine?
Trump: About any of it. I don't care. It's all fake news. Say it. It's Fake News!
Robertson: It's, uh … fake … news?
Trump: That's right! Now say it like you mean it! Be youuuuuge!
Robertson: It's fake news. It's Fake News! It's FAKE NEWS!!! Sheesh, that feels pretty good. You know, cathartic.
Trump: Now tweet it out there! All block caps.
Trump: Look, it's the only way to get back at them. You need to control the message. Send the tweet and they will put the tweet on the news. Believe me. They do that. You watch. They'll put a tweet from you on the fake news calling the fake news fake news. And then they'll talk about it. Go ahead, try it. It's a beautiful thing, I can assure you.
Robertson: And this works for you?
Trump: So far. Now tweet that you're going to make Vancouver great again.
Robertson: But I've been the mayor for more than eight years. Shouldn't I have done that by now?
Trump: So massage it a little. All block caps. It will be tremendous. So exciting. So exciting.
Robertson: CONTINUING TO MAKE VANCOUVER GREAT STILL!!! How's that? Does that look good?
Trump: My work here is done. Good luck, kid.