Skip to main content

The Longpen: Suitable for prison use too.

Tim Fraser

Blook [bloeuhk] noun A printed book based on the contents of a blog. The current canon includes Julie & Julia and Stuff White People Like.

"I really hope my new blog about the intimate details of my bowel movements gets made into a blook!"

Flook [floeuhk] noun A film based on a blook.

Story continues below advertisement

"Julie & Julia was great, and Meryl Streep was fantastic! Has she made any other flooks?"

E-books [EE-boeuks] noun Books that are produced and distributed digitally.

"The move to e-books will do for the book industry what digital music files did for the music industry. Wait … what?"

E-book reader [EE-boeuk REE-der] noun A handheld device for downloading and reading an e-book.

"I got an e-book reader for Christmas. You too?!"

Kindle [kin-dull] noun An e-book reader designed with the same kind of forward thinking that made Pontiac the great car company it is today.

"Let me get this straight: Amazon can actually reach into my Kindle and take back books it doesn't want me to read?"

Story continues below advertisement

Longpen [LAWNG-pen] noun A device conceived by Canadian writer Margaret Atwood that allows authors to sign copies of their book in one city while they are in another. Not one author has visited Regina since its invention.

"Quick! Someone send Sarah Palin a Longpen before she comes to Canada!"

POD [PEE-oh-dee] noun, acronym for "print on demand" The printing of books one at a time as orders for them arrive. New technology has made it more economical to fill specific orders, rather than produce more copies than will be sold. A boon to self-publishers and university presses. See "Espresso Book Machine"

"The POD movement is going to kill traditional publishing. LOL."

Espresso Book Machine [s-PRESS-oh BOEUK MA-sheen] A small $75,000 U.S. device that can print and bind a single copy of a book on demand. Can be used to eliminate the costs of shipping, warehousing and running bookstores.

"The Espresso Book Machine is currently available in the U.S., England, Borneo, Tibet, Iceland, Afghanistan, Jamaica, Tuvalu and France. It will come to Canada in 2075."

Story continues below advertisement

Self-publishers [LOO-zers .... KID-eeng! .... SELF PUB-lish-ers] noun People who publish their books either in print ( or digitally ( without going through the traditional route of: Write angsty autobiographical novel, hire an agent, be rejected by 25 publishers, fire the agent, hire a different agent, land a deal, give most of the money to the publisher, have no control over marketing, become bitter, die alone and hungry. Main drawback: Authors can't blame their "idiot" publishers when their books don't sell.

"Self-publishers are often their own self-customers."

Google Books [GU-gull boeuks] noun Google's plan to put every single word ever published online. Nothing can be done to stop this from happening. Resistance is futile.

"Google Books is AWESOME!"

Copyright [CAW-pee-rite] noun (archaic) An outdated notion that authors and publishers own the contents of books and can control, and profit from, their distribution. See "Google Books"

"Google Books is AWESOME!"

Twiterature [TWIT-e-ra-choor] noun Fiction released on Twitter, 140 characters at a time. Neil Gaiman is the most prominent writer to try this so far.

"Twiterature feels like a passing fad to me."

Twiterati [twit-e-RAH-tee] noun, plural People who embrace Twitter and Twiterature as a lifestyle choice

"The twiterati tend to have a short atten ... oh, look at that cool new phone!"

Bookstore [BOEUK-stor] noun (archaic) A quaint conceit that supposes readers find pleasure in leaving home to patronize an establishment where books are displayed for sale. Books smell nice and feel great in your hands, but the economics just aren't there. The open spaces of bookstores make them ideally suited to be repurposed as sales offices for condominium projects.

"Is that little bookstore around the corner still open? No? How much are the condos going for?"

Report an error Licensing Options

The Globe invites you to share your views. Please stay on topic and be respectful to everyone. For more information on our commenting policies and how our community-based moderation works, please read our Community Guidelines and our Terms and Conditions.

Please note that our commenting partner Civil Comments is closing down. As such we will be implementing a new commenting partner in the coming weeks. As of December 20th, 2017 we will be shutting down commenting on all article pages across our site while we do the maintenance and updates. We understand that commenting is important to our audience and hope to have a technical solution in place January 2018.

Discussion loading… ✨