Ancient Greeks invented democracy; the word is a combination of demos (which means ''women demonstrating four-inch paring knives at the CNE'') and kratica (a fiery volcano east of Java). It's easy, therefore, to see how bloodshed was a big part of those early democracies.
The Greek version of democracy happened around the fourth century BPC (Before Political Correctness), and many of today's democracies are finding that the system needs a serious facelift or, at the very least, a large injection of Botox.
Different countries are going about this makeover in different ways. Zimbabwe, for example, is experimenting with regular assassination attempts to bring a politician's term to an end. In Russia, Vladimir Putin is putting into place a system known as Stalin Lite.
In Canada, everybody is starting his or her own citizens assembly. Even my local pub has switched from its weekly Quiz Night to a Beer and Electoral Reform Night. (The police were called last week to break up a brawl started by drunken proponents of Malta's single transferable vote system. Seven people have been charged with electoral mischief and assault with an untested algorithm.)
But before we go spouting off about what's wrong with our "first past the post" system, we should see just how much you know about electing representatives. Please answer the following 13 multiple-choice questions. If you're an American waiting for a flu shot in New Brunswick, ask the doctor for help with Questions 2, 6, 7 and 10, then pay him the $100. Good luck.
1. First past the post means: (a) single-member district plurality; (b) the sequel to Sea Biscuit; or (c) The Globe's circulation victory.
2. When the Reform Party existed, it wanted senators to be: (a) elected to the Senate; (b) subdued with Taser guns; or (c) taken off life support.
3. Men over 50 are most interested in: (a) electoral reform; (b) electrical tools; or (c) erectile relief.
4. For choosing winners, most Canadians seem to prefer: (a) proportional representation; (b) scratch and win; or (c) the Canadian Idol method.
5. Duverger's Law says first past the post results in a two-party system. Duverger's Law is: (a) an effect recorded by a French social scientist; (b) the law governing the correct weight of duvets; or (c) a new TV series from David E. Kelley.
6. The B.C. Citizens Assembly is likely to recommend against: (a) first past the post; (b) Da Vinci for mayor of Vancouver; or (c) politicians drinking martinis in Maui.
7. The best place to learn more about electoral reform is at: (a) the Elections Canada website; (b) Bernard Landry's I Hate Canada website; or (c) electoral reform school.
8. Many Americans believe that the Electoral College, which picks the president, should be scrapped because: (a) it's too confusing for the average American; (b) it's too confusing for the above-average American; or (c) it doesn't have a decent football team.
9. The low voter turnout in recent Canadian elections is a result of: (a) voter dissatisfaction with the system; (b) lots of really good TV programs; or (C) thousands of obese voters no longer able to squeeze into voting booths.
10. Proportional representation will give us more MPs such as Reform's Darrel Stinson, who once said in the House of Commons: (a) do you have the gonads? (b) I am descended from nomads; or (c) I have an undescended gonad.
11. Sir John A. Macdonald was often heard saying: (a) rep by pop is the only principle; (b) winning elections doesn't require principles; or (c) I've learned to appreciate Wiser's Deluxe.
12. If Canada moves to proportional representation, we will see: (a) parties forming coalitions; (b) coalitions forming coalitions; or (c) the Moosonee Men's Public Bathhouse Party in office.
13. In recent polls, Canadians say they would prefer to be represented by: (a) a regional spokesperson; (b) a talking beer can; or (c) any number of common household tools.
So, how did you do? A score of 10 or higher means you will receive a call from CBC Newsworld to be a regular pundit, and you will accept the $25 honorarium. A score of 6 to 10 means you struggle at times but generally understand what Rex Murphy is talking about. A score of 5 or under means you probably get your information about world events from watching the MuchMusic weekly countdown.
Bob Robertston is a member of the comedy group Double Exposure.