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'I can't come to work today. My dog ate my thong.'

We asked for the best excuses readers had heard or used for calling in sick. Here are the top 15

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Recently CareerBuilders released its Top 10 excuses people had given for calling work and saying they were sick. So, Globe Careers asked readers to submit the best excuses for calling in sick they had ever used or heard. There were many. And they're funny. Here are the top 15. Used any of them?

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"I won’t be in for three days. My dog ate my thong and is now sick. I have to take it to the vet to have surgery."

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"I am currently stuck in a binder full of women and I can’t figure out how to get out!"

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"I didn’t know it was Monday. I thought it was Sunday."

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"I slept in because I lent my alarm clock to my neighbour."

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"My wife threw me out so I’m living in my van. All my food spoiled and made me sick."

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"I got soap in my eye when I was showering."

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The best one I ever heard: “I’m not feeling 100 per cent today." But when I saw him at the ski hill he said he was feeling “110 per cent.” At least he didn’t lie!

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"I slept with the manager’s daughter’s husband and I feel coming in so soon afterward would be awkward."

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"I have to go to the hospital, a butterfly died in my ear and is now stuck."

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"An old girlfriend popped in and messed with my head."

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"I had a one-night stand last night." And then the next day: "The one-night stand stole my wallet with my bus pass in it."

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Following a staff dinner at a steak house on Saturday night, the employee called Monday to say she was “still too full – from eating steak – to come to work.”

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"I got bitten by a bat and now I have rabies." And they believed her!

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"My crazy landlord, after receiving notice we were taking him to small claims court, parked his car behind mine and refused to move it. I had to call the police."

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"My dog is holding my work vest and ID badge hostage because she wants to play."

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