Coaching Up and Down the Generations
By Lisa Haneberg
ASTD Press, 106 pages, $32.95
With four generations mingling in the workplace these days, much attention has been focused on their differences and how they were shaped by technology and significant historical episodes in their lives. But when it comes to coaching, consultant Lisa Haneberg found members of each generation want the same thing: to own their own learning.
First, they want to be respected and coached by people who are pleasant and likeable. They don't want to feel manipulated, or that their coach has an ulterior motive or some predefined purpose. They don't want the coach to take over the conversation; they want it to be a conversation. They also don't want to be approached when they are busy by a coach with a bee in his or her bonnet.
In her new book Coaching Up and Down the Generations, she makes the distinction between "pull" and "push" coaching. Pull coaching starts with a request. But in fact, most of the conversations we call coaching, she notes, begin with a push rather than a pull. "Many of these push conversations are not really coaching," she says.
When managers counsel employees who are not meeting expectations, for example, that's performance counselling, not coaching. When a leader shares wisdom and career lesson with a staff member, it's not really coaching but rather teaching and advice giving.
When someone is called in to help fix a performer who is in danger of being fired there may be some coaching involved, but she says the mixture of diagnosis, feedback, direction, and tough love accountability is best called individualized leadership planning and feedback.
"Coaching is a service that we have the opportunity to provide when performers seek our assistance," Ms. Haneberg says. It's inherently pull. It's a developmental conversation, where the coach responds to the needs of the person. At times when coaching, she says, you will feel like a scout on a nature expedition, sharing from your vantage point what you see, hear and think about something.
At other times you'll feel like you're attending a concert, as you listen to the performer share their interpretations. Very often, you'll act like a puzzle master, noticing the pieces, making observations, and asking questions to help the performer clarify their thoughts and way forward.
"Like snowflakes, every coaching moment is different," she says.
That means coaches must be as nimble as Gumby, she advises. Coaches must be willing to bend, not letting their ego get in the way of the relationship. You need to be the one to show your interest in the performer. Ask what their communication preferences are. Demonstrate openness. "Green hair? No problem. You'd like to meet over Skype? That's fine, if you show me how," she gives as an example. "You'd enjoy swapping blog posts and discussing the latest TED video over Yerba mate? Sounds interesting; count me in!"
If a conflict emerges, you bend, because as a coach you can't influence people with whom you have a strained relationship. Even if you believe you are right, extend the olive branch and let it go.
Beyond that, you must firmly believe in the people you coach: See them as amazing, and worthy of your admiration. "If you believe in the capacity of people to grow, change, and excel, you will come across in a more helpful way. The agile coach sees excellence in everyone," she states.
As a coach, you must be like a sponge, demonstrating a complete interest in the amazing individual you are helping and focusing acutely on that person in conversations. Listen to them as intently as you listen to anyone who is amazing, soaking it all up. "For coaches, poor listening skills are deadly - like a quarterback who can't throw the football," she writes.
She highlights five coaching killers: controlling behaviour; unhelpful and inaccurate judgments; taking ownership of the performer's goals; wasting time and not adding value when you discuss issues; and calling other conversations coaching.
You must distinguish managing, directing, and counselling from coaching, if you are to be effective in that role.
The book is published by a training organization and is written in that vein - straight-ahead, practical, with lots of advice. Most of us coach at some point in our work life, and this helps to frame that activity better so we can be more effective.
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Special to The Globe and Mail
Harvey Schachter