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ROB MAGAZINE

Trump's first 100 days

Here in Canada, we can only watch helplessly as the U.S. election unfolds to the south. It's hard not to imagine the worst-case scenario

Day 3: Trump hires a crew of labourers (later found to consist of illegal migrant workers) to add his face to Mount Rushmore. When asked why he's covering up Lincoln, he answers: "Only losers get assassinated."

Day 5: All diplomatic communication is done via his Twitter account, @CEOUSA.

Day 18: Video cameras are installed throughout the White House—including the Oval Office and sitrep room—with a live 24/7 feed broadcast on C-Span.

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Day 23: Trump announces a new season of The Apprentice. The winner takes the Supreme Court seat left vacant when Justice Antonin Scalia died in February, 2016.

Day 40: He appoints his daughter Ivanka secretary of state, bragging, "She's so much hotter than Hillary."

Day 52: He appoints Ted Nugent to lead an armed militia.

Day 61: All available lumber and cement is diverted to the Mexican border wall. Housing construction across the U.S. comes to a halt.

Day 68: Trump slashes the tax rate for the richest 0.1%. Billionaires including Bill Gates and Warren Buffett refuse to take the cut and start funnelling money into a shadow Federal Reserve in case of emergency.

Day 77: He installs a three-metre-tall Trump marquee on the White House and begins renting out rooms in the West Wing. He and Melania prefer to live in the penthouse of the new Trump Hotel down the street at 1100 Pennsylvania Ave.

Day 81: Dennis Rodman, long a loyal supporter and one-time Celebrity Apprentice contestant, is named U.S. ambassador to North Korea.

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Day 89: Justin Trudeau and Enrique Peña Nieto form a new group, the Two Amigos, after Trump pulls out of NAFTA.

Day 95: After a weekend at Camp David, horseback riding shirtless with Vladimir Putin, a company owned by a Russian oligarch gets a major cybersecurity contract with the NSA.

Day 99: To entice manufacturers to repatriate jobs, he cuts the minimum wage to $5. Companies that refuse face having their remaining U.S. factories seized and redistributed to "patriotic Americans."

Illustrations by Kagan McLeod

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