Canada has found the perfect World Cup formula: In for the good times, but not the cost overruns

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Five months before it begins, what pops into your mind when you hear ‘World Cup in Qatar’?

In all likelihood, searing heat and a captive migrant labour force. Also, soccer.

Ahead of any major sporting event, all anybody talks about are the reasons it shouldn’t be held. That’s half the fun. The hope is that when the sports finally does happen, it wipes clean all memory of the stuff people complained about.

Vancouver, Toronto among host cities for 2026 FIFA World Cup

Sometimes that works out (Vancouver 2010, London 2012, Germany 2006), but most of the time it doesn’t (just about everything else these past 20 years).

Based on early returns, no sports host in history has got less PR bang for the buck than Qatar.

According to Reuters, in the 11 years since being chosen host, the tiny monarchy has spent well north of US$200-billion on infrastructure improvements. Not all of that is directly related to the World Cup, but it is at the least World Cup adjacent. In adjusted dollars, that’s about the same amount that was spent on the Apollo space program.

What do you get for that? Spiffy new subway lines arranged around the Cup sites (perfect for all those people who commute to work at an empty sports arena). Air-conditioned stadiums. A few new boulevards that will be thronged for a month and then probably never again.

It still doesn’t buy you enough hotel space – most of the million or so fans expected to arrive will be housed in tent cities or on cruise ships.

What it absolutely does not buy you is respect. Under usual circumstances, the World Cup would be starting now. This week, a series of news stories focused on how mad that would have been. On Friday, the midday high in Doha was 44C – perfect weather for reptiles and flame-retardant fashion, but maybe not running around.

Qatar just spent more on throwing a party than anyone in human history, and our collective response is, ‘Yeah, sure, we’ll come, but how many water breaks do the waiters get?’

So while I’m not sure this counts as a good deed, it is being punished as one.

That’s one way to do it. This week, Canada showed there is another way.

At this point, you don’t really have to bid for a World Cup or an Olympics. You just have to drift off when they ask everyone who doesn’t want to volunteer for the job to take a step back.

Getting a World Cup is not the problem. Finding a way to avoid being pilloried for getting a World Cup is.

Canada’s solution? Volunteer to share the duty, and then do nothing.

This week, soccer’s world governing body announced the host cities for the 2026 World Cup in the United States, Mexico and Canada.

The top line of that story locally was that Edmonton got left off the list. Only Toronto and Vancouver will be hosts of games, and none from the quarter-finals on.

Bummer.

Unless you pay taxes in Edmonton, in which case you should be fist pumping around your living room. You just saved yourself a bunch of money and hassle.

The key to the con of the modern sports happening is convincing the people who pay for it that they’re going to have an amazing time at an exclusive event. And sure, that can happen, if they want to pay to put the party on and then pay much more to go to it.

Also, are traffic and noise high on your list of fun activities? Great. Because we’ve got a bunch of that for you.

Do you like fights? Amazing. These things always turn into a fight. Just wait until it’s over and the real bill arrives. You, too, can be part of the angry mob at the next city council meeting.

As for the party, it’s happening within a few hundred yards of the stadium where the game’s being played. Outside that perimeter, it’s just another day in your city. Only a lot more expensive.

Yes, you could absolutely do all that. Or you could just pay to go to someone else’s party at their place. That would be much less trouble.

There is a certain amount of glory and excitement to be gleaned from saying you’ve been host of a major event. Even the most curmudgeonly locals seem to like them once they’re happening. And it is lovely to have guests over. The trick is not going so overboard that you begin to resent the company.

Canada is a World Cup ‘host’, but all we’re doing is taking the coats. Mexico is bringing the apps. The United States is cleaning the house, putting up tents, buying the drinks, shining the silver, making dinner, serving it, DJ’ing until 3 in the morning, dealing with drunks and cleaning up afterward.

For Canada, two cities with existing stadiums that can be refurbished to FIFA’s exacting (read: expensive) standards is a manageable expense.

As befits the junior partner of the three, Canada will get the matchup dregs. FIFA is not going to put an England or a France in the wastelands of Toronto. That’s also good. We’re already well set up to accommodate the crowd for Luxembourg vs. Vanuatu (2026 will be the first World Cup expanded to 48 qualifiers). Anything more ambitious might tempt heat-seeking politicians into fresh investment.

Four years from now, who knows what state the world will be in. Half the countries coming to this thing might need to declare a temporary ceasefire in order for it to happen. Again, that’s America’s problem. Canada’s just handling the spillover.

The one thing we are guaranteed is the chance to watch our national team play in its home country in front of its own fans. That’s all anybody who holds these things actually wants. Canada gets it on the cheap.

Knowing you are invited wherever it happens, there is no fiscally sensible reason to offer to hold a major sporting event.

But done the Canadian World Cup way – in for the good times, but not the cost overruns – is as close as it gets.