Seahawks running back Marshawn Lynch knew he had to talk. It didn't mean he had to say anything.
So, in essence, he didn't. And now, onto our regularly scheduled Super Bowl Media Day, where the players and coaches are window dressing, and it's really more about who's asking the questions.
There was Barrel Boy. A pair of buck-toothed sock puppets. A guy sporting a purple shirt, a bicycle helmet and seven Go Pro cameras, "so I can catch all the angles, precisely."
These characters are the sort that have helped turn an event that began as a convenient place to fill up the notebook in advance of the NFL title game into the full-fledged theatre of the absurd it has become.
On Tuesday, about 2,000 reporters – make that people with credentials – filed into the U.S. Airways Center, worked their way past a marching band playing a version of Blondie's 1980 hit, Call Me, and got down to business.
The New England Patriots filed in and the clock started ticking down from 60:00.
As the reporters, cameramen and Nickelodeon superhero Pick Boy elbowed for position, the questions began.
As expected, New England coach Bill Belichick wasn't forthcoming about much. But now, thanks to a question asked by a kid, we know his favourite stuffed animals are those cute little monkeys you put your fingers in to make them talk.
Looking for a Joe Namath-like guarantee at Media Day? "The game will be on Sunday," tight end Rob Gronkowski promised.
About a half-hour before the Seahawks took to the floor , a crowd started gathering around Podium No. 6. Lynch's name was up there.
An hour with "The Beast?" Seemed promising.
Then, he climbed the stairs, set his timer, said he was doing this so he wouldn't get fined and pronounced he would answer every question the same way until his time was up. That ended with about 57:30 remaining on the clock, and it's not a sure thing he was right about the fine thing. The Pro Football Writers Association is talking to the league and Lynch has been told he could, indeed, have to pay up .
Once he left, his teammates fielded a number of questions about why Lynch doesn't like to talk, and why fans seem so obsessed with hearing him talk.
"The way the NFL sells everything all the time, fans want to, like, be inside our minds," defensive lineman Michael Bennett said. "The fact they don't get to do it all the time with Marshawn, it just makes them mad."
Okay, back to the important stuff:
The white, brimmed hat Bennett was wearing was made of horse tweed and cost $800 (U.S.), "for those of you who know about hats," he said.
As Seattle's 60 minutes were wrapping up, a group of practice squad players were showing off their best dance moves while being surrounded by scantily clad ladies in cheerleading gear.
A few steps away, a man wearing clown's makeup and a rubber-ribbon wig was carrying a microphone and following a reporter with a low-cut neckline that highlighted her painted-on black-and-white dress.
In another corner, former Rams MVP quarterback Kurt Warner, now retired and with a TV gig, had a microphone in front of quarterback Russell Wilson.
"This is football players interviewing football players," observed the legendary sports writer, Art Spander, now covering his 39th Super Bowl.
And reporters interviewing reporters.
No stone is left unturned at Media Day.