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The Globe and Mail

Sean Payton is taking his talents to sixth grade

A look at the winners and losers from the past week in sports

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GOOD WEEK Given that he has a year to kill, thanks to that lovely fellow who runs the NFL, the suspended Saints coach has been keeping his hand in by coaching his son’s sixth-grade team.


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“I’ve got kids looking at dandelions and picking their boogers,” Payton said, although given that he’s a Super Bowl-winning coach, you’d think he’d be able to come up with a ploy to keep his players focused on the game, like, say, a Snickers bar for every hard hit and Happy Meal for taking someone out of the game permanently.


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BAD WEEK When Rogers and Bell combined to buy Maple Leaf Sports and Entertainment – for a princely $1.32-billion – they spoke of the opportunity to provide increased content for fans via cable, Internet and mobile devices.


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Given the lack of progress in the NHL-NHLPA talks on a new collective agreement, Wednesday’s live-stream of the ice being painted at the Air Canada Centre might be as good as it gets for a while, at least until it’s time to mop the floor of the Raptors’ basketball court or cut the grass at Toronto FC’s BMO Field.

Chris Young/The Canadian Press

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BAD WEEK The United States Anti-Doping Agency be damned, the shamed cyclist wants everyone to know who he really is. At a cancer conference in Montreal Wednesday, Armstrong introduced himself to the crowd.


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Just in case there was any ambiguity – you know, given the litany of eyewitnesses who testified they saw him using performance-enhancing drugs throughout his career – informed them that, “Yes, I won the Tour de France seven times.” Rumours that Olympic gold medalist Ben Johnson was also scheduled to speak remain unconfirmed.


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BAD WEEK The Florida State football coach is not a big fan of Twitter, banned his players from using it, and even came up with a weird analogy to explain its danger to society. “It’s like a loaded gun,” Fisher told WQAM Radio in Miami. “A gun is not a bad thing – people who use guns the wrong way are the problem. Guns have been in our society forever. If you’re educated about them and use them properly, they’re one of the great things in the world.” Best stick to coaching football, Jimbo old pal.

Phil Sears/The Associated Press

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BAD WEEK Not only has he been usurped in the Manchester United pecking order by the arrival of Robin van Persie, but now he’s been hindered in his attempts to catch up by manager Sir Alex Ferguson.

Nigel Roddis/REUTERS

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New club sponsor Chevrolet offered to give every first-team player the car of his choice, with Corvettes at the top of nearly everyone’s list. Ever the red-faced dictator, though, Ferguson has banned anyone under 23 from picking a sporty model, leaving 21-year-old Welbeck to endure every millionaire soccer player’s nightmare and be seen driving around town in an Aveo or Cruze.

Matthias Schrader/AP

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