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BlackBerry Vs. iPhone: The ultimate showdown

In early August, we here at Globe Tech HQ will try to hitch-hike our way to New York City to attend a big-time Research In Motion launch party. We expect it to go the same way as most RIM parties: lots of people will show up in expensive suits; waiters will offer us elaborately constructed, high-end appetizers; Jim Ballsillie might buy the Rangers on a dare. You know, your average RIM shindig.

But there's more to this launch party than Italian silk ties and white-truffle sliders. Most tech-heads expect RIM to reveal its latest phone at the event. The big unveiling will come just a few days after the newest iPhone finally goes on sale in Canada -- an event that will almost certainly entail atomic-grade displays of fanboy giddiness. Truly, it is a great time to be alive.

These developments naturally have all three of our regular readers asking: what smart phone is right for me? Should I buy a reliable, secure phone from a company Canadians can be proud of, or a pretty, fun phone from the company that revolutionized mobile entertainment?

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Well, fret no more. Globe Tech HQ has designed a simple questionnaire that will help you decide once and for all whether you should be carrying a BlackBerry or an iPhone.

1: How important is security to you?

a) I don't want anything to stand between me and the ability to post status updates on Facebook, Foursquare and

b) I am taking this questionnaire from the inside of fortified bunker beneath what the government thinks is my home.

2: How do you feel about lining up for hours in the cold and rain to get your hands on a new gadget?

a) If I don't have to set up a campsite outside the store, it's not worth going.

b) That's what personal assistants are for.

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3: Most of your friends...

a) use "OMG" un-ironically.

b) live in Monaco for tax purposes.

4: The ideal smart phone app...

a) auto-tunes my Twitter updates.

b) Stores and retrieves corporate database entries in full compliance with the Sarbanes-Oxley Act of 2002.

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5: Your turn-ons include...

a) Idiot-proof user interfaces; Crippling telecom networks by downloading every video on the Internet; Overseas manufacturing facilities with suspiciously high turnover rates.

b) Passwords, warnings and security prompts; The feel of very fake leather; Posing as an investment banker in Bay Street bars.

6: Your turn-offs include...

a) Antennas that work properly.

b) Browsing the Web.

7: You think CEOs should spend most of their time...

a) Turtleneck-shopping.

b) In court with Gary Bettman.

8: If things go wrong with your phone, you want...

a) a non-apology and some free bumper cases.

b) to know that Barack Obama is probably equally screwed.

9: The best way to announce a new product is to...

a) forget it in a bar and then call the cops.

b) solicit a testimonial from the world's most renown telecom expert: of the Black Eyed Peas.

10: Which of these conditions would you rather be diagnosed with?

a) iPad envy.

b) Vibrating Thigh Syndrome.

If you answered mostly a), you should probably pick up an iPhone. If you answered mostly b), the BlackBerry is for you. If you found this questionnaire helpful, stay tuned for next week's handy guide: "Buying a 3D television versus just going outside and looking at things."

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