Dear Santa,
I’m a realist. I understand that you do not exist. It’s been a long time since I believed in you. If I had to pinpoint the precise moment my faith vanished, it would be the wintry Christmas morning when you gave my younger brother a Stretch Armstrong and me a recorder. No self-respecting rotund, bearded, jolly, red-suited, sleigh-driving saint would do that.
On the off chance I’m wrong and you really do fly around on Christmas Eve delivering goodies and presents, I might as well put together a list. And if none of it comes true, I can’t be more disappointed than I was all those years ago playing “Hot Cross Buns” on my woodwind while watching my brother and his friends pull Stretch Armstrong to the breaking point.
Here is my Christmas Driving Wish List:
More than two million Teslas were recently recalled because of safety concerns involving their autopilot software. Santa, I wish for you to put an end to inaccurate claims and mixed messages over the Autopilot system and get drivers to keep their hands on the wheel more. Until the technology is truly ready, it will be safer for all of us.
The fashion in automobile design is for touchscreens. There is one small problem with this trend – touchscreens stink. Cars need buttons to push and knobs to twist. They don’t need screens where simple commands require multiple steps. According to the U.K. publication Autocar, Volkswagen is bringing them back. Its new ID 2all concept car has actual buttons and a rotary controller on the centre tunnel to control the screen on the dashboard.
VW added the buttons in response to driver dissatisfaction with the company’s touchscreen heavy, button-bereft offerings. In June 2023, Volkswagen chief executive officer Thomas Schaefer told Autocar that the automaker is committed to the button. “We had frustrated customers who shouldn’t be frustrated.” That’s an understatement. Every automobile manufacturer has frustrated customers with lame touchscreens. When something works (for example, buttons) you don’t mess with it. We still use forks even though we could design some high-tech gadgets to feed us. Ditto for chopsticks.
This Christmas morning, I want to find buttons in my stocking and buttons in the interior of all new automobile makes and models.
I would like roads that make electricity. Wattway is a photovoltaic road surface that allows pavement to produce electricity while still functioning as a means of transportation. Photovoltaic panels are glued to the existing surface of roads, bicycle paths and parking lots to create “solar roads,” which can produce electricity without disturbing nature and agricultural land. Each one is made of conventional photovoltaic cells, which transform solar energy into electricity. Two Wattway solar bike paths have been commissioned for construction in the Netherlands. Let’s get some in Canada.
I’d like to finally learn the secret behind the “check engine” light. For instance, is the check engine light actually attached to something or does it just go on and off at random? How exactly is a driver, who is not an auto mechanic, supposed to check their engine? Shouldn’t it be called the “go to the auto repair shop” light?
Canadian governments are spending billions on electric-vehicle rebates for drivers and subsidies for EV plants, but cars (be they gas-powered or electric) aren’t the answer to solving urban traffic and pollution – green public transit is. Can you make provincial and federal governments take the money they spend on cars and spend it on transit?
Finally, I would also like a 1971 Chevelle. I’ve included a link to some currently on sale.
And a Stretch Armstrong.
Yours faithfully,
Road Sage.
Andrew Clark