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stars and dogs

A humorous look at the companies that caught our eye, for better or worse, this week

MAPLE LEAF FOODS (STAR)

Now that’s what you call bringing home the bacon. Shares of Maple Leaf Foods were sizzling this week after the maker of bacon, cold cuts, wieners and other yummy products made from dead animals posted a 10-per-cent sales jump and swung to a profit in the fourth quarter, prompting the company to raise its dividend by 12.5 per cent. With years of restructuring paying off, investors are pigging out on the shares.

MFI (TSX), $26.22, up $3.32 or 14.5% over week




BANK OF NOVA SCOTIA (STAR)

Ooooo, things are bad out there, folks. Really bad. Just ask a Bank of Nova Scotia shareholder: Canada’s third-biggest bank by market cap barely scraped by in the first quarter with profit of $1.81-billion, up 5 per cent from $1.73-billion a year earlier, triggering the stock’s biggest one-day rally in seven years. In a further sign of how truly awful business conditions are these days, Scotiabank also raised its dividend.

BNS (TSX), $59.50, up $5.52 or 10.2% over week




VALEANT PHARMACEUTICALS (DOG)

Things that no longer shock us:

1) Anything that comes out of Donald Trump’s mouth;

2) Balmy temperatures in the middle of winter;

3) Massive drops in Valeant’s share price.

Already down by two-thirds from its 2015 high, the stock plummeted again after the drug maker delayed its fourth-quarter earnings, withdrew its 2016 guidance, had its bonds placed under review by Moody’s and confirmed it is being investigated by the SEC. How was your week?

VRX (TSX), $81.64, down $28.19 or 25.7% over week




TECK RESOURCES (STAR)

There once was a miner called Teck

Whose shares had been dismissed as dreck

  But when copper and zinc

 Chose to rise – and not sink

The folks who had sold said, “Aw, heck!”

TCK.B (TSX), $10.26, up $2.60 or 33.9% over week




MONSANTO (DOG)

Monsanto’s seeds, herbicides and other agricultural products are designed to help farmers produce bountiful crops. But lately, the stock’s been covered with weeds: Citing “significant headwinds” including weak foreign currencies and low prices for generic glyphosate – the main ingredient in Monsanto’s Roundup weed killer – the company cut its 2016 earnings forecast. The stock is dying on the vine.

MON (NYSE), $85.89 (U.S.), down $4.69 or 5.2% over week