It seems some travellers need to learn things the hard way. Pompii, for example, is not the place for hanky panky. And no, you can’t hijack a plane with a Toblerone. Here, John Lee rounds up the year’s most strange and wild tales from the road in Globe Travel’s 30th annual Travel Hall of Infamy.
The “You Put Your Right Leg In” Award
… goes to the drunken passenger on a flight to Scotland from Tunisia who was so incensed that her increasingly shouty demands for “cigarettes and a parachute” were being ignored that she removed her prosthetic leg and threw it at flight attendants. After kicking at the crew with her remaining leg and allegedly slapping a nearby child for good measure, the woman was restrained. The plane was diverted to London Gatwick, where police escorted her from the flight – and the remaining passengers reportedly started singing the Hokey Pokey.
The “Selfie Too Far” Award
… goes to a pair of male Canadian backpackers in Peru who were so enthralled by the sacred mountaintop ruins of Machu Picchu that they stripped off for naked photos of themselves posing with the structures. Briefly detained by unamused security guards, the lads – reportedly from Quebec – had their phone as well as their dignity confiscated in the incident, which authorities say is part of a wave of pants-down shenanigans plaguing the site. The lesson? Just because it looks cool doesn’t mean your “little friend” needs to see it as well.
The “Cleanliness Isn’t Next To Godliness” Award
… goes to American John Thornton who – incensed with the slapdash tidying at the Double Tree Hotel in Bristol, Conn. – allegedly seized a cleaner’s tools and began “mopping aggressively.” Spiralling into a vortex of violent swabbing, he added the employee’s shoes to his mop-based chores, backing her into a corner until she started crying. When police arrived to clean up the mess, Thornton was initially charged with breach of the peace – but a further second-degree threatening charge was added when he kicked-off again after being separated from the mop.
The Victorian Thinking Award
… goes to the WestJet passenger who left behind a note referencing the gender of pilot Carey Smith Steacy, who had just safely flown him to Victoria from Calgary. The missive, in part, read: “The cockpit of an airline is no place for a woman. I wish WestJet could tell me a fair lady is at the helm so I can book another flight!” Smith uploaded a photo of the note to Facebook, adding: “I respectfully disagree with your opinion that the ‘cockpit,’ [we now call it the flight deck as no cocks are required], is no place for a lady. In fact, there are no places that are not for ladies anymore.”
The Just A Little Further Award
… goes to camera-wielding Frenchman Yonathan Souid, who was so determined to beat all those rubbish Instagram photos of New York’s Brooklyn Bridge that he hopped a fence and started climbing high above the traffic. Before having a chance to select the black and white setting for his artsy images, he was spotted by police officers and hauled back down to earth. Later described by his attorney as a “clueless tourist,” Souid did improve the variety of Brooklyn Bridge photos: dozens of shots of his idiotic escapade lit up social media sites for several days.”
The History Means Nothing To Me Award
… goes to a Russian tourist who felt that Rome’s iconic Colosseum was lacking something: a 25-centimetre letter “K” denoting his name. Scratching his mark onto the ancient landmark, he was promptly arrested by police, who may have felt a strong urge to throw him to the lions. Instead, the judge at his trial levied a €20,000 ($28,450) fine and a suspended prison sentence. Feeling the need to state the obvious – five other tourists have recently been caught scrawling on the world’s most famous amphitheatre – Colosseum director Rossella Rea said, “You cannot write on a historic wall, it’s absolutely forbidden.”
The Worst Place To Smuggle A Pet Award
… goes to Scottish backpacker Daniela Liverani who couldn’t understand why her nose was so blocked after returning from her southeast Asia vacation, attributing the sensation – and nosebleeds – to burst blood vessels. A morning shower deepened the mystery when she felt the nasal mass moving. Using tweezers, a nurse later extracted a wriggling 7.5-centimetre leech, which Liverani estimated had been happily living up there for weeks. Explaining how long it took to spot Mr. Curly – the name she gave her parasitic pal – Liverani told BBC Radio: “Your initial reaction isn’t to start thinking, ‘Oh God, there’s obviously a leech in my face.’”
The Dumber Than The Average Bear Award
… goes to the legions of social-media-loving travellers who, inspired by American backpacker Jacob Bean’s “terrifying” close-up selfie with a bear, began posting their own ursine-backgrounded photos. Grinning fools in one corner and hungry bears in the other – typically shot on forested trails – have been popping up on the Internet for months, prompting the U.S. Forest Service to issue a warning that bear selfies (bearfies?) are not exactly the smartest move. As for Bean, he eventually confessed his photo was a composite fake.
The Unlikeliest Destination Award
… goes to Glasgow’s Mary Johnston, who was named by TripAdvisor as the Scottish city’s 87th most popular tourist attraction. Listed as a museum, the 60-year-old local attracted several five-star reviews before her entry was discovered and removed. Attributing it to a naughty practical joke, Johnston later told the Scotsman newspaper “at least it’s a good picture of me.” Among the reviews, one noted that: “This attraction wasn’t in the guidebooks but is fun for all the family if you’re a fan of people called Mary. The doorman seemed a bit grumpy, though, and didn’t seem to want to let us in.”
The It’s All About Me Award
… goes to the passenger who arrived at the gate too late to board his British Airways flight to Frankfurt from London City Airport. Rather than rescheduling, he tried delaying the plane’s departure by smashing the panel on a nearby fire alarm – triggering a full-scale evacuation, an emergency services scramble and delays for hundreds of passengers. His intended flight, however, took off as scheduled and the naughty non-flyer was promptly arrested. An airport spokesman later helpfully stated: “Once an aircraft has started its engines there’s little you can do to get on board if you’re late, short of clinging to the undercarriage – which we obviously wouldn’t recommend.”
The Should Have Bought A Fridge Magnet Award
… goes to two U.S. high school students who returned from a history-themed field trip to Europe with a pair of rusting artillery shells tucked into their checked baggage. After the alert was sounded by security screeners at Chicago’s O’Hare International Airport, a bomb squad was scrambled to assess the hardware – reportedly French 75 mm shells – eventually determining they were inert. According to ABC News, the teens told officers they “obtained” the shells at a French First World War artillery range, perhaps in a straight swap for their common sense.
The Creative Use Of Chocolate Award
… goes to Finland’s Antti Oskari Manselius, who was seized with a sudden urge to attend the Sochi Winter Olympics – despite being on a Cathay Pacific flight to Hong Kong from Amsterdam. Armed with a Toblerone bar and wearing a cape fashioned from a cabin blanket, he headed for the flight deck to press his case with the captain. Rather than catching the luge competition, though, he soon found himself handcuffed to a seat. A flight attendant later recalled that the sports fan wasn’t especially violent, although he was wielding the nougat-studded chocolate “like a sword.” Manselius later told a Hong Kong court he was trying to amuse other passengers with “fun and jokes.”
The Time To Buy A Phrasebook Award
… goes to the confused Japanese tourists who responded to a police call to pull-over when driving too slowly in Utah by stepping on the gas. After three siren-blaring cruisers pursued the car for 11 kilometres, road spikes were deployed to burst its tires before officers – guns drawn – extracted the hardened perps: a timid couple and their sobbing child. They told police through a translator that when they saw the flashing lights, they tried to get out of the way as fast as possible. Officer Brad Horne offered some sage advice to drivers: “Regardless of nationality and language, when we put lights on, people [should] pull over and stop.”
The Lock Your Cabin Door Award Award
… goes to a Russian passenger on a sleeper train from Moscow to Yekaterinburg who brought along her kitty for the ride. Listing the larger-than-usual moggie as a domestic cat on travel documents, fellow passengers became suspicious when the 50-kilogram feline was let out of its carrier and started – according to police reports – “behaving aggressively” and “running wild.” When the animal became too much for its adoring owner, she locked it in her cabin and asked staff for help with what she now admitted was a lion cub.
The Scooping Doesn’t Cut It Award
… goes to Truffles the service dog who, on a US Airways flight from Los Angeles to Philadelphia, decided it was time to take a No. 2 – in the aisle. With attendants struggling to clean up the mess, passengers took to Twitter, deploying the phrase “poop-apocalypse” to indicate their aroma-driven stress – just as Truffles decided on a second-round of bottom venting. With some passengers now vomiting, the captain called an emergency landing, announcing “there’s a situation in the back.” Passenger Steve McCall later told reporters it was “the worst blowout I have ever smelled.”
The Marriage Made In Heaven Award
… goes to honeymooner Mohammed Khelya, travelling on a long-haul flight to Cuba. Rather than sipping champagne and whispering sweet nothings into the ear of his new spouse, he swigged from a bottle of duty free vodka, threatened to kill the crew and spat at fellow passengers – prompting his consort to move seats and flight attendants to handcuff him. The plane was diverted to Bermuda, and Khelya was arrested. During his trial, the contrite 22-year-old, referring to his wife, told the court, “I don’t know how she’s going to forgive me.”
The Boozy Public Service Award
… goes to glassy-eyed Lee Jezard who told arresting police officers at England’s Birmingham International Airport that he was “testing airport security” when he squeezed through a luggage flap behind a check-in desk, weaved across the baggage sorting hall and staggered onto the airfield before climbing the steps of an empty Lufthansa plane. Confronted by a surprised on-board cleaner, he claimed he was the co-pilot. At his trial, his defender offered a slightly different interpretation of events: “This was a drunken escapade.”
The All That Glitters Award
… goes to a businessman in India who checked into a Delhi hospital complaining that’s he’d swallowed a metal bottle cap during an argument with his wife (as you do). But after an x-ray, doctors diagnosed a different stomach-obstructing malady: 12 gold bars, weighing a total of 400 grams. The businessman acknowledged he’d swallowed the shiny goodies before boarding a plane in Singapore to avoid paying Indian customs duties. Despite downing a tidal wave of water and laxatives, the treasure wouldn’t budge and doctors began a three-hour operation to retrieve the haul – which was promptly confiscated by police.
The Closing Time Award
… goes to U.S. tourist David Willis who nipped into a London bookshop one evening to avail himself of the store’s free WiFi. When he later tried to leave, he found the shop closed and in darkness (perhaps he had been distracted by cat videos). Triggering an alarm when rattling the main door, Willis talked to police through an in-store phone, but it was two hours before anyone arrived to release him from his literary incarceration. When he announced his eventual freedom on Twitter, many responded by saying they would rather have stayed and enjoyed a night of unfettered reading.
The Best Way To Relive History Award
… goes to the three tourists who were so inspired by their visit to the ruined red light district of ancient Pompeii that they returned after-hours. The twentysomething antiquity fans broke into a 2,000-year-old brothel building – decorated with murals of saucy scenes – for a threesome of historic proportions, only to find their ardour curtailed by authorities who arrested them before any eruptions occurred.