Sheesh. What is it with Steven and me? No, not the invisible man impersonating our Prime Minister. We're talking Steven Seagal, the imposing actor, producer, writer, martial artist, guitarist, environmentalist, Tibetan Buddhist and (take a deep breath here) deputy sheriff.
He's crowding my space. I go to the Vancouver Folk Festival, and Steven Seagal breaks out. There he is, introducing the wonderful Ricky Skaggs and his Rolling Thunder bluegrass band and sitting on stage for the entire show.
On Monday, I head over to Hastings Park's majestic racetrack and big Steven shows up again. This time, he's on hand to present flowers and trophy to the winner of the third race, before retiring to the track's rooftop patio for the rest of the card.
Later, at home for some boob-tube relaxation, I switch to one of the movie channels, and what's showing? Steven Seagal's On Deadly Ground, his 1994 pro-environment, action movie, roasted by critics at the time but now considered a cult classic, according to the world's only remaining source of information, Wikipedia.
He's here, he's there, he's everywhere. I can't wait to see him yet again, this Saturday night, at the B.C. Lions game against Calgary. I've got tickets. I'm sure my new friend Steven wouldn't want to miss me.
Ommmmm.
Finally, some peace for justice
The last time I saw B.C. Supreme Court Justice James Williams in court, he was tense, frustrated and visibly worn down from the long ordeal of presiding over the horrific legal proceedings against serial killer Robert Pickton.
Since then, he has also had to bear a terrible burden of uncertainty, not knowing whether one of his key advisements to the jury might have been in such error that Mr. Pickton deserved a new trial, a possibility almost too ghastly to contemplate.
Mr. Pickton's lawyers pressed that argument in the B.C. Court of Appeal, where it failed only by a scary 2-1 margin, and then it was on to the Supreme Court of Canada.
Last Friday, much to everyone's relief, the country's top court unanimously upheld Mr. Pickton's conviction. Judge Williams was off the hook.
This week, as he presided over some leftover entanglements of the Pickton trial, the judge seemed like a new man, relaxed, cheerful, even cracking jokes.
At one point, lawyers bogged down, as is their wont, on some arcane details concerning very little. Quipped Judge Williams: "And I thought the trial was complicated…"
Methinks the judge is sleeping soundly these nights, and so he should.
Not adding up
I'll leave it to you, dear reader, to determine: What is wrong with this picture?
The federal Tories are pouring muchos dollares into providing more prison cells at a time when the reported crime rate is going down. Not to worry, says Stockwell Day. The rate of unreported crime is up, quoth he. But if the crimes are unreported, why do we need… well, you can figure out the problem. As one online Globe reader commented: What a maroon.
The end is near
Evidence of the end of civilization as we know it, Parts 143 and 144.
A news release this week from the folks at Vancouver Biennale headlines: "An Unique Indoor and Outdoor Activity." May I suggest grammar be added to the event.
Meanwhile, the sublime art of pole-dancing is being taught around town to girls as young as five. Just good clean fun, says the instructor, herself a former "exotic" dancer. Adds another teacher, in praise of one youngster's prowess on the pole: "You should see [her]little abs. They're rocking."
The gods are indeed crazy.
Curtain call
Farewell, then, to the annual, wild and crazy Under the Volcano festival in Cates Park, former haunt of celebrated, boozy writer Malcolm Lowry (Long-ago headline in the Vancouver Province: "Famous writer lives for nothing on North Vancouver beach").
The festival, run entirely by volunteers and featuring the best in bands and performers old people like me have never heard of, is a great event for the so-called alternative culture out there, and good on them.
But this Sunday's day-long boom-time will be the 20th and last Under the Volcano. A carry-over deficit from last year's rain-soaked festival has proved just too much to handle.
Featured acts include Sista Hailstorm, Joey Only Outlaw Band, Goons from the Moon and that indefatigable, one-woman band, Naomi Klein. Be there, and don't be square.