This week, citizens of Vancouver discovered that if they're planning on trying to get around the city this summer, a drone might be their best option. With dozens of development projects under way, summer road construction and special events, much of the city centre will be under construction.
Where will you find this information? Well, if you missed the briefing on Wednesday with Jerry Dobrovolny, the city's director of transportation, you can find a frustrating and laborious map on the city's website.
It's not that easy to find, mind you; the "latest news" column on the site is dominated by official city birds, past and present, holiday-weekend closings, and an announcement that outdoor pools open this weekend.
Nor will you find it in the media centre tab, also dominated by news of the official city bird and yet another desperate plea to vote Yes Please God to a new tax to fund transit before it's too late.
I'll save you the trouble of looking any further.
Here's the news release the city should have written warning drivers of what's to come.
City of Vancouver to Test Limits of Driver Patience This Summer
Vancouver – May 16, 2015
The City of Vancouver is embarking on an unprecedented experiment this summer to determine how much drivers of private vehicles will tolerate before abandoning and burning their cars in the middle of major arterials. Not since the 2010 Winter Olympic Games have we messed with you on this scale.
First, the viaducts and all things surrounding them: We know, we just can't seem to leave the things alone.
Zoom in on the map helpfully provided by six-year-olds with a working knowledge of a 99-cent Paintbrush app, and you'll find a tangle of messy blue lines. Blue is bad. It means stay away. From Aug. 5 to Oct. 5 we'll be working on the Main Street overpass.
Same goes for both the Georgia and Dunsmuir viaducts. And if you're thinking of taking Expo Boulevard instead – well, we're already working on that. It'll be a nightmare for a while. Also, vehicles can no longer access it from Main Street at Union because we put a bike lane there, so yeah, there's that.
Now, we know what you're thinking: "Why all of this work on the viaducts when you're probably going to tear them down?"
The short answer is we want you to hate them as much as we do.
Pender Street has been a pretty good alternative to get into the downtown core but as of Aug. 10 you can forget about that too. We're doing water main work there. And if it's a Sunday, don't even think about trying to scoot up Carrall Street because we're shutting that down for the Downtown Eastside Market. It's fun. You should go.
If you can get to Pacific Boulevard it will be great until the first two weeks of June when we begin relocating a sewer main. We know, ew. It's gross, and it's not the only one we're doing. West 33rd Avenue between Arbutus and Oak is also a no-go zone.
And speaking of the west side – Hemlock Street? We don't have to tell you about that one. You've likely given up on it already.
You may also have given up on King Edward. We're making road improvements there as well, so best to avoid it west of Granville until say, October?
Looking east, we've got parts of Rupert Street and Victoria Drive closed or partly closed for a month's worth of paving beginning in August.
Broadway will be a mess as well from Glen to Commercial after June 25.
We haven't even talked about the various festivals, farmers' markets, neighbourhood street parties, food truck extravaganzas and fundraisers we've got planned.
Oh, and we forgot about the movie shoots and the dozens of construction sites that will clog the streets with portable dressing rooms and concrete pours, respectively.
So by now, we figure that some of you who are forced to stay in town to say, do your jobs, are greasing up the chain on your old bike or are off to MEC to look for a good pair of walking shoes. Good call on both counts.
It goes without saying that we're assuming that the majority of you, like us, will be far away from the city by the second week of June, enjoying your eight-week-long vacation at your summer place on a Gulf Island or on the Sunshine Coast. Don't worry, most of this will be out of the way by the time you're back.
But if you need to drive a car anywhere in this city after the first week of June, well, you're on your own. As the mayor is fond of saying: "Good luck with that."