Prime Minister Stephen Harper jokes around with Cpl Gary Eddy from Cold Lake, Alb. dressed up as Santa Claus in Alert, 2006. File photo.Paul Chiasson/The Canadian Press
Dashing through the dough
In a frantic bid to pay
Massive debts in Greece –
Euro paupers, they.
Italy came next.
Berlusconi's fief.
O what fun it is to spend
Until you come to grief.
Jangled nerves, jangled nerves,
Jangled all the way.
Germany and France are miffed
The EU's feet are clay – Hey!
Frantic talks, Britain balks,
Giving markets fright.
Maybe we can bet the farm
On who'll default tonight.
O crime, all ye faithful,
Must receive a thumping.
Put up more pri-isons
And lock up the kids.
I, Stephen Harper,
Won't amend my crime bill.
Don't preach one more statistic
That says I'm being simplistic.
You're being too realistic.
Cri-ime's abhorred.
"Wait," cry Quebeckers,
"Stop this mad obsession.
What you call common sense
Is non-sens-ical.
We'll sue your pants off
Or write our own crime code."
Oh, great. A wedge is driven.
Quebec and feds are riven.
Disharmony's a gi-iven.
Di-ice are rolled.
Gad! Pat Martin's thumbs lashed out,
Sending tweets 'bout Stephen.
Salty language left no doubt
This MP was seethin'.
Government cut short debate
On its legislation.
Martin didn't sublimate:
First-class perora-ation.
Closure's rampant on the Hill:
Seven bills and counting.
Even on the budget bill.
Feel the tension mounting.
Effing language burns the eyes.
It's unparliament'ry.
Still, it's hard to blame the guy.
Commons needs a se-entry.
Away in a ledger,
The names have been filed.
Gadhafi, bin Laden,
Their menace exiled.
Recall 9/11
And Lockerbie, too.
Now guess the direction
In which their souls flew.
Duck! The hockey blows are folly.
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Get concussions from the volley.
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Is it hard to stand? Yes, very.
Fa la la, la la la, la la la.
Also hard to stand Don Cherry.
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
On the 12th day of cutbacks,
My boss explained to me:
Twelve months' recession,
Level expectations,
Tend to your payroll.
Nein, there's no pay raise,
Ate all the profits
Servin' our directors,
Sick days are hist'ry.
Fie, olden drones.
For those who wish,
Free cab fare
To somewhere else,
And a pa-arting gift that's pal-trey.
Hark, the Horvath-Hudak push
Knocked McGuinty on his tush.
Though his Grits remain in power
It's on suff'rance, hour by hour.
Tories and New Democra-ats
Plan each move like acroba-ats.
Yet Ontario's Libs may act
Boldly, counting on one fact.
Heck, the Horvath-Hudak ring
Won't agree on anything.
We free thinkers, leery of mayors,
Think it's smart to occupy squares.
Start with Wall Street, on to all streets,
Catching them unawares.
Oh-ohhhh...
Spar with bankers, 1 per cents.
In the parks, we pitch our tents.
Poor park users
Are the losers.
Sorry, ladies.
Sorry, gents.
I'm dreaming of a wheat sea change
As Harper strikes the Wheat Board dead.
Though the farmers liked it,
The PM spiked it
And called the surplus his instead.
I'm dreaming of a wheat sequel.
If buffered farmers' groups are plagues,
What about milk, butter and eggs?
Or does Steve play fav'rites with his regs?
Oh crumbs, hear that footfall.
Must be Delahunty,
Warrior princess on a
CBC show.
In full regalia,
There on Rob Ford's driveway.
The second that he sees her,
He panics and he flees her,
Asks 911 to seize her.
Cri-i-sis mode.
Frisky the Showman
Was a very happy soul.
With his bunga-bunga party girls –
Berlusconi's fav'rite role.
Frisky the Showman
Was as Teflon as they come.
He could obfuscate while he wrecked the state
And supporters all stayed mum.
There must have been some madness
Couched inside his outsized gall.
For when they kicked him out the door
He declared them traitors all.
Frisky the Showman
Has a fortune to his name.
He can keep his bunga-bunga girls
But it won't be quite the same.
Single cells,
Single cells,
Sitting in a tray.
Oh what fun it is to mess
With human DNA. Hey!
Latest news:
They can use
Cells for muscle growth.
Better life or longer life?
Well, darn it, we'll take both.
Hark, the Harry Potter fling
Ended with that Hallows thing.
Voldemort and Harry fought.
Which guy won? Don't spill the plot.
Twilight saga's still in play.
Bella's in the fam'ly way.
With a vampire as the dad.
Is that good? It sure sounds bad.
Hark! The birth's no easy stroll.
It's an ad for birth control.
O latest count of babydom,
How still the records burst.
The seven-billion mark was passed
October thirty-first.
Yes, seven billion people
Now live on Planet Earth.
With hopes and fears, we greet the dears.
May they find more than dearth.